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LATEST WIKIPEDIA WORD COUNT SCORES:
Vinnie Jones: 2570 words.
Lady Sovereign: 2460 words.
Sisqo: 2070 words.
Stephen Baldwin: 1647 words.
Stephanie Beacham: 1571 words.
Heidi Fleiss: 1052 words
Dane Bowers: 964 words.
Basshunter: 627 words
Alex Reid: 581 words.
Nicola Tappenden: 481 words.
Katia Ivanova: No Wikipedia entry.
Late-it’s-just-dawned-on-us-update: On Twitter earlier, we commented on the ‘news’ story that Lynda La Plante has moaned about the BBC not asking her to write for them any more, claiming that they would pay more attention to her “if [her] name were Usafi Iqbadal and [she] was 19”. We made the hugely witty/spinelessly snarky (delete as applicable) observation that as the fictional Usafi Iqbadal wouldn’t have Killer Net on his CV, the BBC would be quite correct to pick him over La Plante. Subsequently, for reasons best known to her, Lynda La Plante then started following us on Twitter (because she’s been searching for what people are saying about her).
This means we’ve since inadvertently flooded her Twitter feed with our inane observations about Celebrity Big Brother and plugs for this very website. We would say “if you’re reading this, sorry Lynda!”, but then she did write Killer Net, quite possibly the worst television drama of the last twenty years, so we’re not sorry at all. How bad was it? Here’s how bad, courtesy of the mighty NTK, and with a nod to Twitter’s Alan Jenson who’d reminded us of that link.
“You should get a soundcard and a microphone as well... I'll set it up for you, I'll need to get inside the processor...”
Indeed, that’s it. So, instead of watching bloody Rude Tube (yeah, way to use that huge inherited audience, Channel Four), we’ve plonked a tenner on Lady Sov to win, after she momentarily drifted to 17. We’ve also bunged our Wikipedia data into a nice chart for you:
And so, until tomorrow unless we’ve got something better to do, goodnight. And for those of you waiting for Top 100 of The 00s updates, those will continue as well. Don’t worry, we’ll only go with CBB updates if anything interesting happens. For proper, non-sarcastic updates, you’d probably be better off checking the coverage at Bother’s Bar, but if pointless charts are your bag, then bookmark us NOW.
GUEST TWELVE: Is it Gazza? Is it? It… isn’t, we’re only having the eleven for now. On the down side, there’s no-one we actually already like in it this year. On the plus side, our heart isn’t going to sink when we realise someone we really like is only famous enough to put themselves through being on Celebrity Big Brother. It’s a bit like seeing someone from your favourite band appear on Never Mind The Buzzcocks, as part of the identity parade.
That’s probably it for contestants, so here’s a quick rundown of the current Betfair odds:
Vinnie Jones - 3.95
Jonas “Basshunter” Altberg - 5.9
Dane Bowers - 7
Stephanie Beacham - 13.5
Sisqo - 12.5
Lady Sovereign - 15.5
Alex Reid - 16
Katia Ivanova - 18
Nicola Tappenden - 27
Stephen Baldwin - 29
Heidi Fleiss - 46
if nothing else, La Roux are doing well out of tonight’s show. What with Vinnie’s intro vid and the first advert on the break following it, we’ve heard In For The Kill twice in about four minutes. Wiki scores updated – Vinnie tops the chart, what with his chequered and, admittedly, very interesting past. Katia doesn’t even seem to have an entry, even though we’ve spelled her name correctly. We would say she’s this year’s Cleo Rocas, who also didn’t have a Wiki entry when she’d entered the house, but then we could actually recognise Cleo Rocas.
GUEST ELEVEN: Vinnie Jones. The man who captained Wales to their most humiliating post-war defeat (7-1 away to Netherlands), bad singer, and bad actor in mostly bad films. He even stood out as the worst thing about Swordfish – even worse than the ‘hack the Pentagon while getting a blowjob’ scene. Still, he’s the only properly recognisable face so far.
GUEST TEN: Katia Somethingorother. We couldn’t even be bothered remembering her name for as long as it took to turn towards our keyboard. Lucky we’re following things on Twitter at the same time. Ivanova, it seems.
GUEST NINE: It’s Basshunter, the Somerfield Scooter. We hereby revise our choice of First Out The Door.
So far, Lady Sov is deemed the most interesting by the Wikipedians, with Page Fwee Shtunna Nicola T in last place. Thus far, our bet to be first out the door and straight on the flight for Celebrity Total Wipeout would be whoever out of Dane Bowers and Alex Reid comes over as less of an arse.
One other good thing about CBB launch night, is that it’s bound to get at least seven million viewers, mostly in the ‘right’ 18-34 demographic, so we get lots of new adverts. Not many good new adverts, but still.
GUEST EIGHT: Heidi Fleiss, as rumoured over on Digital Spy last week. The sort of US celebrity that really needs a detailed introduction in the UK. And no Davina, she won’t air her dirty laundry in the Big Brother house, ‘cos the producers will turn the sound down.
GUEST SEVEN: From Grammy winning American R&B star Sisqo, to Britain’s very own supermarket own-brand alternative. It’s Dane Bowers. Interestingly enough, he isn’t actually from Denmark.
What will Davina do to keep herself busy when all this is over? Celebrity Big Brother Australia, as a contestant, we imagine. That’d be good fun, actually.
GUEST SIX: Sisqo. While he might sound like an Austrian supermarket chain, he’s apparently an R&B star.
So, no real standout big Barrymore-type star as of yet. Of those currently in the house, we suspect Lady Sov might win it. Still, it’s early yet. That Scottish bloke who kicked in a flaming terrorist or someone might enter yet. No standout bastard yet, either, but there’s still time for Nick Griffin to turn up.
GUEST FIVE: Lady Sovereign. Someone else we’ve heard of, even if we’re not a big fan of her work.
GUEST FOUR: Stephanie Beacham. Someone actually properly famous! For doing things on telly and that! Won’t win, but will do well, and come across as normal, if only because she’ll remember that she’s on telly at all times and that people are watching.
GUEST THREE: Alex Reid. Someone who bedded Jordan, and a cage fighter. No, us neither.
For old time’s sake, we’re continuing our momentarily popular running theme of measuring the ‘celebrities’ by the size of their Wikipedia entries, and seeing who becomes more popular as the series progresses. To keep things fair, we’re starting from their Wiki pages as of the end of December. Here are the scores thus far:
Expect a chart later. Yeah, look excited motherflippers.
GUEST TWO: Page fwee shtunna Nicola “Who?” T. The first non-actual celebrity of the night, instead being famous for going out with footballer Bobby Zamora. Running count of people we’d recognise in the street: ZERO.
GUEST ONE: Stephen “Usual Suspects/Barney Rubble” Baldwin. A Republican supporter. Bookies’ favourite to act like a total cock, perhaps?
It’s on. Happily, the screen capture software we use is working very nicely. Just think of all the hits we might now get from Google Images.
Nothing much happening, but there is an advert showing us how to sneeze currently on Channel Four: