Tuesday, 24 August 2010

SCANFEST2010: “I’ve been missing pot roast.”

Our trip through the mid-90s archives continues, as we blow the cobwebs off this entry, again from Sky Magazine’s November 1995 issue. Tucked away at the back of the magazine, on page 138, and billed below Alicia Silverstone, Lee Sharpe, Lee and Herring on the front cover is this interview with a young Leonardo DiCaprio. Then promoting his appearance in The Basketball Diaries alongside a post-Funky Bunch Mark Wahlberg, this sees a 20-year-old Leo before he became the globally famous name that Titanic made him.

(Yes, it’s a bit of a departure from this blog to run with this, but we found it interesting. And these picture-based updates are a nice way to test the new template is working properly, including the new make-the-main-page-less-of-a-pain “Read full post” buttons.)

Leo001

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SCANFEST2010: “The Year’s Most Revered British Comedy Duo.”

We’ve finally got the scanner on BrokenTV’s trusty all-in-one printer working with Windows 7 (top tip: ignore the supposed Win7 drivers and just install the ones for Vista), an event which happily coincides with us recovering a pile of about 200 magazines from the mid 1990s from our parents’ loft. All this means that we can capture some of these legendarily lost artefacts from the past (“Ha ha! A computer with a 1.8GB hard drive, 16MB RAM and a 16” monitor selling for ‘just’ £1800!”) and put them on the internet before the whole lot end up on eBay, or in a skip.

First up, from Sky Magazine (no, not the free NewsCorp one that everyone throws in the bin) in November 1995, an interview with “A big man called Stuart [sic] with the stupid hair and the indie clobber from 1981” and “his mate Richard, possibly the cheeriest man in the world”, also known as Stewart Lee and Richard Herring.


(Click for bigger.)

L H001

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Saturday, 21 August 2010

Top Fifty BBC Freedom of Information Requests For Which Information Was Not Held But Which We Shall Try To Answer On Their Behalf: Part Three

More from the pile of BBC Freedom Of Information cold cases. First up, a few requests that seem more than a little self-centred.

ODDLY SPECIFIC 


Has been caught on a "speed camera" and wonders if under FOI he can see the film of the alleged crime. (ref RFI2005000230, 02/10/05) 

Admittedly, we’re kicking off this “oddly specific” section with a request that could do with being a lot more specific. Does the individual involved mean his “alleged crime” (i.e. actual crime – if a speed sign says “40”, and you drive through the area that speed sign represents at 50mph, it’s against the law, no matter how much you might mutter about how “they” should be out arresting paedophiles and terrorists instead of pestering ‘innocent’ motorists) took place right outside a BBC building and might therefore be captured on CCTV cameras operated from within the Corporation? Or is he just dim enough to assume the BBC has access to all speed cameras everywhere?

We’ll assume the former, and have therefore commissioned this re-enactment:

image

Guilty as charged we’re afraid, Mr RFI2005000230.


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Thursday, 19 August 2010

Top Fifty BBC Freedom of Information Requests For Which Information Was Not Held But Which We Shall Try To Answer On Their Behalf: Part Two

Previously on BrokenTV: we’ve narrowed down fifty of the questions that the BBC’s Freedom Of Information department were unable to answer, and attempted to answer then. Tuesday’s inaugural bunch of posers included questions posed from people wanting to know the extent to which the BBC in secretly funded by militant left-wing public schoolboy vampires (or whatever it was). Today, we’ll be looking at some people who want impractical reams of information from the Beeb, for whatever reason. All right under a screen capture from Alexei Sayle’s Stuff that might have nothing to do with the article in question but will break up all the text quite nicely and make this blog update a little easier to read.

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WANTING THE MOON ON A STICK

How much of the BBC output do the Trust members watch? Specify which programmes.  (ref RFI20081442, 12/17/08)

That “The BBC Trust”, eh? That meddling, secretive panel of cloaked figures, a secretive New World Order group who lurk in the shadows, deciding what really happens at the BBC. Well admittedly, they’re actually all identified on the BBC website, but shadowy underworld figures like that always tend to unwittingly leave one tiny clue as to their true identities. They always think they can get away with it, until they accidentally allow their name, photograph and full biography to be left on one of the UK’s most regularly visited websites.

Conspiracy theorists might like to know the BBC website even lists a “declaration of interests” for each member of the trust (“Ooh, Anthony Fry is a member of the Trust For Paintings In Hospitals! Bet he has dozens of nurses sacked every day just to pay for new ones”). In short, it’s a bit like how you can find out who the Pools Panel all are, if you can be bothered to check. All that doesn’t stop another person requesting to know how many members of the panel are Jewish, but that’s for a later update.

You’ve got to love this request though. “Specify which BBC programmes the BBC Trust members watch.” Space is tight here, but using the info we’ve gleaned from the BBC Trust Declaration Of Interests, we’re prepared to make the following educated guesses for the favourite BBC shows of several Trust members.

Sir Michael Lyons (also Governor, Royal Shakespeare Company): Lee Nelson’s Well Good Show.
Richard Ayre (also Chairman, The Dairy Partnership): Young Butcher Of The Year
Diane Coyle (also Advisory Committee Member, Spatial Economics Research Centre at the London School of Economics): Addicted to Boob Jobs
Alison Hastings (also Vice President, British Board of Film Classification): Bryony Makes a Zombie Movie
David Liddiment (also Associate, Old Vic Theatre Company): Help! My Dog's As Fat As Me
Jeremy Peat (also Member, Expert Group on Finance Supporting The Commission on Scottish Devolution): Pissed and Pregnant

Hope all that helps, “ref RFI20081442”!

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Tuesday, 17 August 2010

Top Fifty BBC Freedom of Information Requests For Which Information Was Not Held But Which We Shall Try To Answer On Their Behalf: Part One

One of the things we love most about the BBC website (even more than the two bits of it that mention us) is the Freedom Of Information section. Now, as a publicly funded organisation, the Beeb are bound by law to at least make a token effort to answer any questions that fall within the remit of the act, but being the commendably useful bunch that they are, they’re willing to put a lot of time and money into providing useful information, providing it’s requested by a member of the public.

We’ve looked at it before, back in 2008, where amongst other things we discovered that there are currently 2,787 broadcast copies of post-2002 programmes missing from the BBC archive (from a total of around 200,000), and while you can’t request any information from the duty logs for BBC programmes, you can obtain a list of complaints made about the BBC canteen.

Much, much scarier than unpleasant trifles or missing editions of Newsround was the full documentation from the 1980s on how the BBC would announce the outbreak of a nuclear war. The link to the documentation we’d found in 2008 no longer works, but here’s a quote from our original blog post:

From 1984, a script of what was to be read out on air in the event of a nuclear war. These Wartime Broadcasting Instruction Announcements began with the words:

"Here is an important announcement about the broadcasts you will be able to hear after [date]. At [date] all normal Radio and Television services of the BBC and IBA will cease. The will be replaced by a new single Radio service known as the Wartime Broadcasting Service."

From 1988, this is changed to an almost chummy

"You may be wondering, as many people are, what will happen if the current crisis develops into conflict and wondering how you will find out what is happening. Well, the BBC will do everything possible to maintain its broadcasts but it will probably mean that we cannot maintain our full normal service."

We'd like to think this would have been delivered to the nation by Chris Serle. Luckily, details of our impending annihilation would also be listed on Ceefax.

Erk. The most recently published FOI replies are similarly interesting, taking in an updated listing of canteen complaints, this time from the BBC Northern Ireland canteen (“there hasn’t been a cooked dessert in months”), rather brilliantly, someone asking about how many people have complained about BBC buildings being haunted, and a mention that three agencies besides Lambie-Nairn submitted proposals for a redesigned BBC logo in 1997, though sadly it’d be up to the other agencies to make those designs available. Hopefully, something like this:

image

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Thursday, 5 August 2010

Scamwatch AU

In news that will probably shock anyone who has ever met us, we’re actually not as stupid as we look. Not that this fact seems to have filtered through to the more inept internet scamsters, going by the increasing amount of emails we’re getting, all coated temptingly in fictional money. Quite often, they’ll be SO inept it’s actually funny, like this email we received earlier today.

spamfail Wow, we didn’t know British Telecom were now being run by rick-willey@sbcglobal.net! That’s a hostile takeover you’d have expected to have made the newspapers. Maybe Rick Willey is the name of the character played in the BT adverts by that bloke from My Family, and to make the corporate behemoth seem more cuddly, all business transactions are to be conducted via that email address. It all makes sense! We’re SO replying to him!

imageBut, things get even wilier. Tonight, we received an email purporting to be from “John Nguen” of “Ralf Financial Services Pty Ltd”. The text of this email is as follows:

image image So, it’s a scam about asking people to transfer money via their bank accounts. Quite why the money would need to sit in someone’s account isn’t really explained (especially with UK bank transfers taking a few days to process so that the banks themselves can play with it on the overnight money markets during that time), but whoever the person behind this scam is, they’ve made more effort than your common or garden internet scam artist. The email was sent from ‘job@ralfrecruiting.org’ – they’ve gone to the trouble of registering a domain name and everything (though the WHOIS record for “ralfrecruiting.org” doesn’t give any address), and trying to visit the website itself only results in a 403 error.

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Saturday, 31 July 2010

Tumblr and Fall

What with BrokenTV being keenly up-to-date with all manner of online developments, we’ve decided to join Tumblr. We suspect it might just be the next big internet thing. (Reader’s voice: “This isn’t 2007, you know.”) Here are some of the things we’ve thrown on there so far:

image Eagle-eyed viewers might notice: some amusingly old-fashioned advertising, a few things from television and film, some photos of the one-off Sinclair Spectrum+ in white, and the reason why so many people refer to us as “someone with far too much spare time on their hands”.

We’ll probably also bung up some things that we’ve done that aren’t really good enough to put up on the blog. Like this:

image

Well, if you download a film, and the first minute is in shitty camcorder-o-scope, with audio that appears to be sneaking out of a broken Walkman half a mile away, you ARE likely to think “ah, balls to it. I’ll just watch it in the cinema”.

Well, our rubbish jokes normally attract the occasional tumbleweed, so we might as well put them onto a TumblrFeed. A-ha-ha. Anyway, the BrokenTumblr lives here: http://brokentv.tumblr.com. Enjoy.

Meanwhile, this is the best pop video of the year so far:

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Thursday, 22 July 2010

Little-Seen TV Merchandise From The 1980s

These seemed like a better idea when we started doing them. Based on this post at UnrealityMag.

image image image

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Tuesday, 6 July 2010

The Five Most Pointless Types of ‘News’ on Digital Spy

We realise, this is going to come as a shock to any readers who’ve just awoken from a twenty year long coma, but there is a worrying surplus of “entertainment news” these days. Of course, by “entertainment news”, we mean “painfully desperate rehashing of press releases”. Back in the Golden Age Of Hollywood, it would have been “Humphrey Bogart in bar brawl with gibbon”, “Brando to be first man on Venus?” or “Hedy Lamarr invents torpedo guidance system” (that last one isn’t a joke, by the way), but now we’re expected to feign interest on learning that Jeremy Clarkson said something a bit right-wing, Paris Hilton is thinking of buying a hat, or that Lady Gaga has heard of Finland.

For reasons which we can’t even explain to ourselves, we keep looking at Digital Spy. Mainly out of some idiotic sense of loyalty, because we remember when it used to be called DigiNews, and was mainly concerned with announcing new channels popping up or closing down on the then-new Sky Digital service (“Bah, ITV are still refusing to put any of their channels on Sky”). Since then, it’s grown, taking in more mainstream types of news story (i.e. those appealing to non-spods), and grown into a hugely popular website as a result. Meanwhile, BrokenTV has remained resolutely unpopular and not that good. Why? Because we’ve got integrity, dammit.

image BrokenTV, post-relaunch.

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Monday, 21 June 2010

Frank Sidebottom / Chris Sievey, RIP

image Terrible news from Twitter, sadly confirmed by the Manchester Evening News, one of our favourite comedians (and host of our 100th favourite TV show of the last decade) Frank Sidebottom has died after losing his battle with cancer.

As an off-kilter comic in the 1980s, the most obvious move might have been for Chris Sievey’s alter ego to have become one of the Friday Night Live “Thatcher eh? Grr!” crowd, but instead his act took a delightfully innocent turn, putting on a distinctively family friendly act, but one so wonderfully bizarre his appearances on kids television were disappointingly few and far between.

It says a lot about Frank Sidebottom that when he has cropped up on TV, radio and the mainstream media, his appearances have really stuck in our memory. Here are a few of our favourites.

 

- Frank becoming the most well-known contributor to legendarily raucous kids comic Oink!, Indeed, an Oink!-based tie-in single, for the post part only available via mail order, even made the lower echelons of the Indie Charts in the late 1980s.

- A brief but memorable scene in 1989 Marks & Gran-penned role reversal sitcom “Snakes & Ladders” saw newly gentrified pauper John Gordon Sinclair visit a posh London wine bar. Taking place in a futuristic world where “South Britain” is a place of luxury in sharp contrast to the squalor of the North, this was best encapsulated by the way this posh London wine bar only ever played songs by performed Frank Sidebottom.

- Before operating principally from within the head of his alter ego, Chris Sievey wrote a couple of games for the ZX Spectrum, both of which are playable at the excellent World Of Spectrum;

1983’s “Flying Train” was just a wonderful kind of arcade affair that seemed to prevail on Uncle Clive’s black box or wires in the early 1980s, right from the very first instruction screen packing in delightful jokes, throwing in a phony “R Tape loading error” message before cheekily telling you to buy an Oric instead, and using precisely the pleasing turn of phrase that you just would never expect to see in a more sober kind of videogame:image

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  • The game itself was simple, yet – considering it was only a free giveaway game issued (quite uniquely at the time) as the B-side to Sievey’s 7” single “Camouflage” – quite enjoyable, with the player dropping the top half of a locomotive onto the bottom half of a locomotive. Why? Because you’re a railwaynaut. That’s why.
  • - The following year saw Chris Sievey quite neatly reverse this process, with his first (and only) ‘proper’ Spectrum release The Biz. This was a more traditional cassette-based release, on the Virgin Games label, with the B-side of the tape containing eight tracks from his band, Chris Sievey And The Freshies. The game itself was hugely enjoyable at the time, and somewhat surprisingly considering hardly anyone else even remembers it, still is. Despite being written wholly in BASIC, there’s a lot of depth beneath the surface, and it’s unquestionably our favourite “Rock Manager” game of all time.

     

    image 

    Indeed, us writing this tribute has become slightly delayed by us taking time out to start our new band (The Brokens) on the road to rock superstardom. No need to take our word on how much fun The Biz is, you can enjoy it for yourself right here.

    - “The Biz” wasn’t Chris Sievey’s last dalliance with videogames, however. EA’s TV campaign for FIFA 10 – one of the world’s most popular videogaming franchises – saw a lovely little cameo from Frank Sidebottom himself, possibly to the mild bemusement of viewers in the USA, where the advert also aired.

    image  - The early 1990s saw Frank become a more regular fixture on our TV screens, with Timperley’s finest regularly cropping up alongside host Tony Wilson in Channel Four’s UK version of MTV’s Remote Control. Much more enjoyable however was Frank’s Fantastic Shed Show, going out in the wee small hours on ITV, with a tiny budget, and which saw Frank interviewing and introducing guests from Dennis Taylor to Pop Will Eat Itself. The programme also saw early appearances from Frank’s “next door neighbour” Mrs Merton, played by Caroline Aherne, who went on to become a huge comedy hit on her own.

    - Sadly, it took until 2006 before Frank was given his own standalone series, but when it arrived, it was every bit as special as “Shed Show”. Channel M’s “Frank Sidebottom's Proper Telly Show in B/W With Repeats In Colour” was a marvellous little gem, tucked away in a part of the Sky EPG few outside Manchester ever visit. As the title suggested, the first airing of each episode was in monochrome, while subsequent repeats were in full colour. Why? Because it was BRILLIANT, that’s why. All great fun, with Frank interviewing a variety of guests (with David Soul seemed especially confused by the goings on), making on-location reports from the streets of Manchester, and even including a stop-motion animated show-within-the-show. If that weren’t enough, Channel M’s nightly testcard contained Frank engaging in bouts of improvised whimsy with his cardboard sidekick Little Frank.

    Even when diagnosed with cancer, Frank – speaking through his Twitter feed - remained resolutely upbeat and in character

    image imageFrank’s upbeat nature continued, regularly performing gigs and auctioning his artwork for cancer charities, right up until the shocking news earlier today, less than 24 hours after Frank’s last Twitter update, which announced that a future gig with his Oh Blimey Band should still be going ahead.

    Despite rarely appearing on television, his records barely troubling the Top Forty, it seems that absolutely loads of people had a soft spot for Frank Sidebottom, so much so that as we type these words, “Frank Sidebottom” is the second highest trending term on Twitter globally, with people expressing their shock at the news even outnumbering people talking about the World Cup.

    image

    Right now, there’s the start of a Twitter campaign to get Frank’s World Cup Song “Three Shirts On My Line” – to number one in the charts. All proceeds go to Cancer Research, We’re still trying to find a link to where the song can be purchased, Until then, here’s a live version. If we find a working link to where it can be bought, we’ll update this post accordingly.

     

    RIP Frank Sidebottom. He will be missed. You know he will. He really will.

    [UPDATE} A Facebook campaign has been started to get Frank Sidebottom to number one. Details: here.

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