Following the runaway success of ITV1 ratings juggernaut (SUB: PLEASE CHECK) RED OR BLACK, Simon Cowell’s production company Syco have devised a number of new and innovative gameshow formats, due to hit the nation's screens in 2012. BrokenTV's Dark Arts Dept have infiltrated Syco's underground lair to obtain these EXCLUSIVE details on What Simon Cowell Did Next.
THE X AND O FACTOR
Two teams of 512 contestants, one captained by Ant, one by Dec. Each must take part in the world's biggest game of noughts and crosses, assembling themselves into shapes on a huge 3x3 grid on board an aircraft carrier in the North Atlantic. After each game, the remaining players are assigned into two more teams and the game repeated in a different pointlessly huge locale, until two individuals finally face-off in front of a live studio audience for the chance to win ONE MILLION POUNDS.
EXTREME POOH STICKS
Two teams of 1024 contestants. Two giant logs adorned with the letters 'A' and 'B', two cannons, and a trip around the great rivers of the world. Only one contestant can ultimately win a trip to Disneyland, where they will battle a giant animatronic Winnie The Pooh (with sticks) for a chance to win ONE MILLION POUNDS.
ROCK, PAPER, DIVERSITY
12,288 lucky contestants have been bussed into Syco's secret underground studio, where they are expected to predict the outcome of Rock, Paper, Scissor matches between members of inoffensive dance combo Diversity. One lucky winner will be the recipient of ONE MILLION POUNDS, while the 12,287 unlucky losers will be forced into a lifetime of servitude reporting unauthorised uploads of Syco artists on YouTube.
WHAT NUMBER IS DAVID HASSELHOFF THINKING OF?
65,536 contestants are packed into Wembley stadium, and each has been assigned a number between one and a hundred. Will their number be picked by walking internet meme and Syco employee #2457 David Hassellhoff? If so, they get to continue their journey towards winning a prize of HOW EVER MANY POUNDS DAVID HASSELHOFF IS THINKING OF.