Let The Rugby Commence

  • 9/07/2007 08:22:00 pm
  • By Mark Gibbings-Jones

"Hurrah! Another try for Whimsby Harriers!"

It's the Rugby World Cup again. A sport that has a number of redeeming characteristics when compared to the sport a ruggerloving colleague of BrokenTV's Mark X constantly refers to as 'poof-ball'. Players who don't squabble like girls every time a line-out/throw-in doesn't go their way, who don't crowd and whine around the referee like dicks for every decision that doesn't go their way, officials who are willing to use instant video replays for decisions that will have a notable impact at what is after all, the highest level of their chosen sport. It's just a pity the actual sport isn't anywhere near as good as football, really. But anyway, what of the TV coverage? Maybe we should compile a Rugby World Cup 2007 TV Coverage FAQ.

BrokenTV's Rugby World Cup 2007 TV Coverage FAQ

* Has Gabriel Clarke really missed out on his true vocation in life: playing the slightly smug posh bloke who steals the central character's girlfriend at the beginning of movies (in a scene which contains the line "he's more of a man than you'll ever be"), only to lose out after a stunning act of redemption by the central character in the last five minutes? YES HE HAS.

* Will ITV make everyone sit through the opening ceremony on full and tedious detail, with a commentator dutifully reading out a press release about how the dancing people in lycra are now representing the story of The Prince of the Seven Golden Cows? MERCIFULLY NOT.

* Are ITV about to fall into their usual trap of trying cling onto a few extra viewers by trying to make out that England are definitely going to win the large sporting event? PENDING ANSWER.

* Will they plaster the phrase "Exclusively on ITV" onto every caption that they possibly can? YES THEY WILL.

* Will ITV try to claim that the Rugby World Cup is "the world's third biggest sporting event" at every opportunity this time around, even though it really, really isn't? WE DON'T THINK SO, BUT WE MISSED THE FIRST FEW MINUTES OF THEIR COVERAGE.

* Why have Volkswagen changed their 'midlife crisis' advert so that the bit where the car shown outside the office is now in a different setting, and the tubby Scouser now says "is that your Passat?" instead of "is that your car?" WE DON'T KNOW, BUT IT DOES REAFFIRM OUR OPINION ON ADVERTISING AGENCIES.

* Will BrokenTV suddenly lose all interest in the Rugby World Cup once Wales contrive to balls up their opening match against Canada? YES.

* In fact, is BrokenTV not really that bothered about rugby after all, and that its favourite thing about any Rugby World Cup is the way the 1999 tournament meant loads of road signs in Wrexham had to be translated into Japanese and Samoan? GETTING TO BRIEFLY LIVE IN A TOWN WHERE THE ROAD SIGNS ARE IN JAPANESE, WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE ABOUT THAT?

* Is that why you've lazily restricted the blog's coverage of the event to a simple question and answer format, so you don't get rumbled for not understanding why the referees always seem to give away penalties when as far as you can tell, nothing at all has happened? NOT AT ALL. OOH, THAT WAS A QUALITY SCRIMMAGE BY THE ALL-CYANS, THERE. WHICH ONES ARE BRAZIL, AGAIN?

"I say, Sebastian. I must disagree with that last tackle."

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