Little Britain Series Four: EXCLUSIVE SCRIPT EXTRACT!

  • 12/01/2005 10:38:00 pm
  • By Mark Gibbings-Jones
  • 5 Comments

Yes, they're working on it already. Cunningly disguising ourselves as Richard Herring's letterbox, we've intercepted an early draft of episode 4.1, from which we present to you the following 'skit'.

[The scene: The studio set of Channel Four's hit not-really-a-quiz quiz show Deal Or No Deal. Noel Edmonds prowls the set, as is his wont, and the camera follows him while he makes his introduction. As he nears the centre of the set, today's contestant is revealed. It is Andy Pipkin.]

Noel : So, today's lucky contestant is young Andy P from London. Andy, are you looking forward to doing battle with The Dealer?

Andy : Yeah, I know.

Noel : Er, okay. So, you've selected your box which could contain anything from 1p, all the way up to a massive £250,000.

[Audience applause.]

Andy : Yeah, I know.

Noel : And the first step on the road to that cool quarter of a million is to select the first five boxes to open. Let's hope it's a low number to begin with. Andy, your first choice, please.

Andy : 1p.

Noel : I'm sorry?

Andy : I want to open the box with 1p in it.

Noel : Erm, you need to select a number from one to twenty-two.

Andy : Yeah, I know.

Noel : So, your first box, please.

Andy : 1p.

Noel : Erm, lets just go for box one...

[Cut to box number one. It is manned by Andy's long-suffering helper, Lou.]

Lou : Erm, Andy - are you sure you want to open this box first? It could be the quarter of a million pounds one...

Andy : Yeah, I know.

Lou : So, which box do you want?

Andy : The 1p one.

Noel : Oh, just open box number one.

[Cut to Lou about to break the seal and open the box.]

Lou : Oh, what a kerfuffle. Good luck, Andy!

[There is a distant seal-breaking sound. Cut back to Andy. In a flagrant disregard of the rules, he has broken the seal of his box, and flipped the lid to reveal it contains just 50p. Before anyone can say anything, Andy tosses the box over his shoulder in a dismissive manner.]

Andy : I don't like it!

[Pause for massive audience laughter, as if they didn't see it coming as soon as the sketch began. Cut to Racist Vomit Woman. Via an introduction by Tom Baker that refers to something from the 1980s. Like Wham bars, or Saint and Greavsie.]

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