Aaaargh! Aaaargh! Aaaargh! Aaaargh!

  • 3/25/2008 10:45:00 pm
  • By Mark Gibbings-Jones

Now, this is quite markedly the Wrong Type Of Nostalgia, what with it being about a children's television programme from the 1970s, but bear with us. We've stumbled across something on YouTube (if seeing it in this week's B3TA newsletter counts as 'stumbling over something'), and would like to pass comment on it. However, in order to keep our professional integrity intact (cough), we've outsourced the next few paragraphs to the hottest property to hit the nation's digital audio bandwidth, Radio Fresh's Danny Mutton. Take it away Danny..

"Hammer Time!"

[A loud sample of MC Hammer's battle cry is played, echoing the words Danny Mutton has just said, in order to make the pseudo-ironic reference quite clear to listeners.]

"Cor, alright gang! We've got a maaaad show lined up for you today. We're taking your text requests for me big MC Hammer shout outs in a few minutes - ha ha, you lot are mad! And then later on we've got a great live session with the hottest new band of 2008, called [rustles sheets of paper] Supergrass. Crazy guys, we'll be hearing tracks from their new debut album later on. And then [snicker] we'll be looking at more of your brilliant All Your Base Are Belong To Us pictures... I don't where you guys come up with this stuff, I really don't! Then finally, we'll be talking to linguist, philosopher, political activist, author and lecturer Noam Chomsky, and I'll be asking him if he's ever shagged a ginger bird. Wotcha!"

"But first, we'll be taking a look at this clip of Rainbow. Cor, who loves a bit of Rainbow, eh lads?"

[Murmurs of vague agreement from sidekicks.]

"Cor, yeah. I used to laaaav a bit of Rainbow as a nipper, me! Anyway, 'ere we've got a clip from the pilot episode, dating from 1972 off of this great new website we've found called You Tube. Look out for that website, we reckon it's going to be massive!"

[Presses a button that plays a 'woo-yeah' sample from a DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince track.]

"Yeah! Anyway, what you might notice about this clip, yeah, is the way Zippy just looks all wrong, and Bungle's quite sinister looking, yeah, but he's sure got some ffffrrresh moves to make up for it, right!"

"Blimey, eh? Kinda scary too, non? Fresh!"

[Presses a button that plays a 'Frrresh!' sample from a 1987 Bomb The Bass album.]

"Cor, eh? Come on, who wants to see the full clip?"

[Murmurs of pretend enthusiasm from researcher and producer in background.]

"Yeah, that's what we want to hear! Here it is!"

[The clip ends abruptly, meaning that the listeners are cut to an out-of-character Danny Mutton, who hadn't been paying attention. His cockney mannerisms are now somehow less pronounced.]

"...anyway, as I'd said to Jocasta at the Groucho, look, I simply need to consider switching from John Noel... I fear I'm being typecast. My father insists I should be looking at more television work, and I'm not sure how much longer I can keep on flinging out this C2DE prattle... what? Oh, gosh. I mean... cor! What about that then, eh? I, erm... here's a record by The Klaxons."

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