“Can you help me, Shady Sammy?”

As anyone who has watched Sky Sports News on a weekday afternoon will attest, most daytime television advertising is bland rubbish trying to coax people into taking out loans. Such as:

 

Wholesome looking people striving to improve their lot, basically. Having sat through a lot of daytime television beamed directly from the USA (via TVUPlayer), it seems a decent proportion of their daytime adverts are similarly bland affairs helping people to… get released from jail.

 

As you might expect, many of these commercials try to disguise what they’re selling. For instance, with most of it being a cheery attractive women telling you about their services, aside from the name of the company and quick telltale shots of handcuffs bookending the spot, you’d be forgiven for thinking the advert for Southwest Bail Bonds is actually selling weight-loss pills.

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Some of the spots even use comedy to make their point. The commercial for Trinity Bail Bonds shows a comic glimpse of what rival bondsmen might be like:

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Before revealing that their bondsmen are all rotund and jolly like.

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Readers from the midlands might remember all the cheesy local adverts that used to be on Central for Don Amott: King Of Caravans. Well, it seems Don has a cousin based in Colorado. Dennis Blackwell: The King Of Bailbonds. As such, he has a slightly more bombastic commercial:

 
Nice. No earnest “genial bloke being treated outrageously by The Man”, as you get on most of these adverts. Instead we get indistinct shots of someone playing pool (in an empty bar)  and a woman putting on lippy, exciting shots of police cars, topped off with a shot of Dennis Blackwell looking mean.

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For why? Because DENNIS BLACKWELL IS SERIOUS ABOUT BAILBONDS, presumably.

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