With an Alan Partridge film in the works, the character has come a long way from presenting the sports on Radio 4's On The Hour. It seems that with this, In The Loop and the output of Sasha Baron Cohen (Reader's voice: "But those films are years apart!"), it seems like the concept of British comedy spin-off movies is back. After grinding to a halt after mid-80s movies like Morons From Outer Space, Whoops Apocalypse, Bloodbath At The House of Death and The Boys in Blue all proved to be commercial flops, the concept went into near hibernation for a couple of decades, twitching a leg occasionally to let out celluloid farts such as Guest House Paradiso. We can't help but feel that's a bit of a shame, as it deprived cinemagoers of the following potential comedy offshoots we've just thought up. (Reader's voice: "Hang on, what about Stella Street, Kevin & Perry Go Large, The League of Gentleman Apocalypse...")
1) Tony & Control in Never Say Never Again, Please
Unerringly polite undercover capers as British spy Tony Murchison (Hugh Laurie) is captured while deep behind enemy lines after asking for a cup of tea in a Stalingrad vodka bar. The head of the British Secret Service, known only as "Control" (Stephen Fry) must return to active duty to rescue his colleague.
And at times he makes for a rewarding follow, too. Not least some of the moments where he’s engaging in conversations with Mr Brian Butterfield, Peter Serafinowicz’s in-character Twitter account as the hapless businessman from The Peter Serafinowicz Show, and excellently, at least one episode of the forthcoming series of Shooting Stars.
Sadly though, much of it seems to be very avoidable. Which isn’t a problem if you’re a person with a Twitter account who already happens to be a bit of a humourless clod in everyday life, but a pretty big shame if we’re talking about one of the iconic figures of the last 25 years of British comedy.
Even the bits where Bob entertainingly fails to use Twitter correctly can’t really help save it when he goes and buggers up an entertaining comedic rally with something scene-shatteringly crass and unfunny.
So, our plaintive wish is this: please can Twitter have the Bob Mortimer who co-created and co-wrote Big Night Out, The Weekenders and The Smell Of…, as opposed to the one who wrote Tittybangbang?
Our new favourite website ever (for this week) has to be Coverbrowser. Home to over 450,000 front covers of books, comics and magazines from years gone by, it’s a little bit like having your very own time machine. But one that is only able to visit newsstands. And only look at the front covers of the magazine, comic and book section of those newsstands, not buy any cool 1950s cigarettes or anything. In summary, it’s not that much like having a time machine after all, but anyway. Here are ten tremendous telly-related things on there:
What better way to start than with the king of talkshows? Going through the archive, is seems to be incredibly rare for a GQ cover of that era to feature anyone who wasn’t either a movie star or a male model trying to strike an everyday pose. generally one involved cupping his chin with his left hand. Only one person on television was big enough to warrant his own GQ cover. As Ed McMahon famously said so many times over the years, “Theeeeerrrrre’s Johnny!” (“Reader’s voice: “Oh dear.”)
ADVERTS FOR SUPERMARKETS TELLING US HOW MUCH THEIR SAUSAGES COST
With thriftiness more important than ever, there’s no reason why the Britons of space year 2011 shouldn’t we be informed when 1½p has been knocked off the price of a six-pack of Penguins. No reason at all.
Oh, wait.
“Crossed out prices were charged in many Tesco stores including Stevenage.” Yes, EVEN in Stevenage.
While these days we couldn’t possibly step inside a supermarket unless it’s been advertised by way of comic vignettes starring Fay Ripley and The Bloke From Sunnyside Farm Who Wasn’t Phil Daniels, back in the 1980s people could be enticed into their local superstore by way of COLD HARD BRIBES.
Case in point, this entertainingly overblown commercial for Tesco from 1982, where somehow the concept of “selling things at a bit of a discount for a while” is somehow “the biggest and best thing that’s happened to shopping since checkout… CHECKOUT 82!”
1lb of Bird’s Eye frozen peas. Was 45p NOW JUST 42p.
P-p-p-pickup a six pack of Penguins. Was 31p NOW JUST 29½p.
A family brick of Lyon’s Maid vanilla ice-cream. Was 32p NOW JUST 25p. And the use of the word ‘brick’ only makes it the more appetising.
80 PG Tips tea bags. Was 61p NOW JUST 59p LOOK AT THE TWO PENCE COIN YOU JUST SAVED THE SHIT OUT OF. LOOK AT IT, TOUCH IT, FEEL IT AGAINST YOUR SKIN. TWO PENCE TWO PENCE TWO PENCE, YEAH.
And so on. The promise of as much as three pence off a bag of peas might not sound like much now, but back then this was indeed as majestic event as Voiceover Bloke implied. Ask anyone over the age of 30, and they’ll probably remember their dad popping off to Texas (the DIY store, not the American state) for loads of chipboard, ready to build the family pea silo. We’re not making this up – in the Thatcherite era, pretty much every working class family north of Bristol had a pea silo, with mum leaving the kids at Aunt Mabel’s because she was making the annual pea run with a borrowed van. Seven pence off in one go isn’t much, granted, but this is where economies of scale really kick in. Ten bags of peas, and you’ve saved seventy pence. One hundred bag of peas, and you’ve saved up seven whole pounds, and that’s enough for 23.7 six packs of Penguins.
One hundred packs of peas would usually fill a chest freezer, and that’s where the unambitious shopper would call it a day. But no, if you were lucky enough to own a pea silo, the amount of money you could save would be astronomic, at least in 1982 terms. BrokenTV’s family pea silo was made out of fibreglass, ‘cos our dad knew this bloke down the pub who could source it cheaply, and it held a massive 23,435lb of frozen peas. That’s 10.629 metric tonnes in new money (see, people didn’t care about getting planning permission for things in those days). Filled with peas to the brim, it was. And thanks to Tesco’s Checkout 82, the family saved a whopping £1640.45. Factoring in the material and construction costs of the family pea silo, that still left a net profit of £940.45, which in those days meant BrokenTV’s dad could buy a three year old yellow Ford Capri with red racing stripe. Yeah!
And THAT’S why every time we visit our mum for tea, even now, WE HAVE TO EAT BLOODY PEAS. It’s much the same for anyone over 30, like we said.
This is the point where we really, really starting phoning in our idea of “an update every day”.
That’s a photograph of Thomas E. Dewey, 47th Governor of New York and Republican candidate for the 1944 and 1948 Presidential elections.
This after he’s already been a candidate for the 1940 Republican ticket, a race in which he’d been the early favourite, only for growing conflict in Europe convincing many Republicans that at 38, not to mention him leading the liberal faction of the GOP, he was considered far too young to lead the nation in wartime.
By 1952, accepting his style just wasn’t rocking enough for 1950s America, he declined taking part in the presidential primaries. Instead he threw his support behind ultimately successful Republican Presidential candidate Dwight Eisenhower, proving to be one in the eye for his bitter rival within the Republican party, conservative Ohio Senator Robert A. Taft.
That’s not why we admire him, however. We think his name will live on throughout history for one very special reason.
Just look at it. It’s like a trained caterpillar. Marvellous. What did Taft bring to the hirsute table?
From the race for the 1944 US Presidential Election, a campaign film in support of Democratic President Franklin D. Roosevelt bagging a second term. We really like it.
As every schoolboy knows, FDR subsequently romped to victory, Thumping Republican candidate Thomas E. Dewey by 432 electoral votes to 99. Yes, he actually received 25,612,916 votes at the ballot to Dewey’s 22,017,929 in a contest that appears more one-sided than it actually was, but hey, that’s modern democracy.
The upshot of all this is that if Ed Milhouseiband (see what we did there?) wants a realistic chance of winning the next election, he’d better get on the blower to Aardman soon as*.
(*We know the next election won’t be for just under four years, but claymation isn’t quick.)
1. Stilted performances by CEOs. The most well-known exponent of the art of advertising your own company would probably be Victor Kiam, whose Remington commercials made him a household name in the 1980s (and indeed, go-to reference for comedians looking to do material about rich American businessmen). His slick, presentational style was probably helped by him being from the USA, where enthusiastic owners of carpet warehouses or car showrooms plugging their stores in person have been a mainstay of commercial television since the year 1753 [sub please check].
Over here in 1981, new chairman of Woolworths Geoffrey Rodgers had a go at fronting a commercial. With slightly less panache.
This is an Anglicised cover version of a song originally by American singer-satirist Peter Scott Peters, which casts an arched eyebrow over the 1960s threat of the western world being destroyed by atomic bombs.
And which architects of the satire boom are responsible for this? Dudley Moore and/or Peter Cook? Bird and Fortune? Bernard Levin… well, maybe not Bernard Levin, clearly.
No, none of those.
That’s right, the duo behind “Mike And Bernie Winters In Toyland”, and “For Mums And Dads Of All Ages”, putting out a single about a hipster shelter dweller blinkeredly anticipating how well he’ll be able to cope as soon as the big one drops. Hurrah! Also: Brrrr.
I'm not scared I'm prepared We'll be spared I've got a fallout shelter, it's 9 by 9 Hi-Fi set and a jug of wine Let the missiles fly from nation to nation But it's party time in my radiation station A 14 day supply of multi-purpose food A TV set I'm sure to include Build a bomb bungalow, one of your own With no down payment and a government loan Let the tests go on in the atmosphere In my fallout shelter, I'll have no fear My baby and me, cozy we will be Away from radioactivity 20 megatons is the size of the boom And if they let it go, I'll feel no doom Let the cats run about, helter-skelter I'm gonna, live, live, live in my fallout shelter I'm not scared I'm petrified We'll be spared 20 megatons is the size of the boom And if they let it go, I'll feel no doom Let the cats run about, helter-skelter I'm gonna live, live, live in my fallout shelter So if you want to be full of confidence Get survival jazz and civil defense You'll live like a king in your fallout pad 'Till the all clear sounds, we're swingin', dad We're swingin', dad So what?
Carrying on from yesterday, we continue our look at the actual popularity of every single television channel in the UK (who report their ratings to BARB). As before, we’ve pored through the Barb top ten shows from every single channel that reported them, for each of the four full weeks from May 2011. Then, we’ve taken the average viewing figure for each of those channels top ten shows, and sorted them accordingly.
Yesterday we looked at the thirty most popular channels in the UK. Today, the arse-end of the chart. And if you’re thinking of starting a music channel on Sky, you might want to think again…
Seven of that bottom ten are channels dedicated to showing music videos. How far those glory days of MTV seem now, eh? (Or if you’re us, MTV2, though let’s face it, that would be down at this end of the table even if it hadn’t been rebranded as MTV Rocks). Indeed, why bother sitting through a channel that seems to show five minutes of annoying adverts for every ten minutes of music videos, when you could just type the names of your favourite bands into YouTube?
So, how does this compare to our last rundown of The Least Popular UK TV Channels, from October 2010? NME have slipped from just being sixth-least popular, though they have gained an average of 150 viewers since then. Yep, one hundred and fifty. Bottom of the last chart was Men & Movies, which has recovered well since, now only tenth-least popular, and adding an average 5000 viewers since last time. Second-bottom in October was Lava TV, which has since rebranded as Greatest Hits TV, and climbed above established channels such as Sky Movies Classics in the list, so well done them.
Falling down the chart are channels such as Q, which drops 14 places and around 3000 viewers, Scuzz (16 places and 2000 viewers) and The Community Channel (19 places, 3000 viewers, and seems to be full of slightly patronising training videos. Show some Cleese-era Video Arts films, you guys. They’re absolutely rubbish on an entertainment level, but at least several thousand people will tune in to find that out).
Anyway, that’ll do for now, we think. Want to see the full, unexpurgated listing? Here it is, right after the ‘jump’.
It’s been a while since we’ve done this. What are the UK’s most popular channels, then? Yes, the Big Five terrestrial players are going to top the chart, but what of the others? Is Dave bigger than BBC Four? Is Sky News bigger than Cbeebies? How is Sky Atlantic doing, then? And are the music channels still in the doldrums?
Well, we’ve pored through the Barb top ten shows from every single channel that reported them, for each of the four full weeks from May 2011. Then, we’ve taken the average viewing figure for each of those channels top ten shows, and sorted them accordingly.
Here’s what we found: first up, the top thirty channels, in EXCITING INFOGRAPHIC FORM.
As suggested by the figures, timeshifted and (where they simulcast the output of their SD cousins) HD channels are included – where figures have been reported. Which they aren’t for BBC One HD and the Sky channels, their loss.
As we’ve said up there, ITV are boosted by the BGT monster, though ratings did dip after the series opener once everyone realised that David Hasselhoff is now somehow an arbiter of ‘talent’. Despite having new episodes of Psychoville and Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle, the most-watched comedy programmes on BBC Two are repeats of Dad’s Army and The Two Ronnies, closely followed by the same-week quasirepeat of Have I Got A Bit More News For You.
Despite banging on about how they’ve got the newer seasons of The Simpsons, Sky1’s most-watched episode of the month was a repeat of an episode from season nine. Meanwhile, a large number of viewers are preferring to watch 7pm episodes of The Simpsons When It Was Good on Channel 4+1 than the newer offerings on Sky1.
In other animation news, we were cheered to notice Archer making the latest weekly top ten on 5* (nee Fiver), as it’s brilliant and everyone should watch it.
Anyway, there’s your Top 30 UK Television Channels of May 2011. Tune in tomorrow for the Bottom 30 UK Television Channels of May 2011. That’ll probably have S4C in it, won’t it, eh? No-one watches that, do they, eh? Eh? Eh? (Clearly not, we’re being sarcastic.)
With the OTT Book now on sale, what better time to take a look at some other wonderful telly-related books from the ages? We’ll be posting one (or two) page (or pages) from a different book each and every day until we forget to, we’ve covered all the TV-tie-in books in our collection, or OH WAIT, THIS IS THE LAST ONE.
As pretty much all the books in question have long since been deleted by their publishers, there shouldn’t be any legal difficulty there, we hope. Unlike all those superinjunctions that we've blown wide open on Fidonet which luckily no-one has noticed yet for some reason. In any case, we’re putting these scans online under the banner of ‘BrokenTV’, and no-one else. Just in case anyone starts waving their lawyers around.
To round things off, a look at a page from The Making Of The Goodies Disaster Movie (by Tim Brooke-Taylor, G-R-A-E-M-E (“Tsk!” – G Garden*) Garden and Bill Oddie, Sphere Books 1978). It’s a bit ‘blue’, but that’s what passed for family entertainment in 1978. (“Kid’s programme!” – J. Cleese.)
And that’s it. No more scans from books, at least for now. Phew, eh? To think, you might never see a blog update with the following slight variation on a copy-pasted paragraph ever again. You’ll probably miss it, you know. You might try to kid yourselves that you won’t, but give it a couple of weeks and you’ll be drunkenly texting it and telling it you can’t stop thinking about it at 3am on a Sunday morning.
A page (or two) from a different book tomorrow and then NEVER AGAIN. Until then, why not take time to have a look at the television-related book that all the something something somethings are referring to as OTTTBBOTBTVWNNNTTAN (Off The Telly: The Best Bits of the British TV Website 1999-2009)? Available from Lulu.com in paperback for just £16.99 (that's just £0.00005 per word!), or £3.99 for the PDF ebook version, with any profits going to Alzheimer's charities.
Go on, what else are you going to spend your money on? Two copies of Off The Telly: The Best Bits of the British TV Website 1999-2009?
With the OTT Book now on sale, what better time to take a look at some other wonderful telly-related books from the ages? We’ll be posting one (or two) page (or pages) from a different book each and every day until we forget to, we’ve covered all the TV-tie-in books in our collection, or tomorrow. Place your bets.
As pretty much all the books in question have long since been deleted by their publishers, there shouldn’t be any legal difficulty there, we hope. Unlike all those superinjunctions that we've blown wide open in the scribbles on our pencil case which luckily no-one has noticed yet for some reason. In any case, we’re putting these scans online under the banner of ‘BrokenTV’, and no-one else. Just in case anyone starts waving their lawyers around. Oh, speaking of which…
Today, in the penultimate delve into the BrokenTV bookcase, Have I Got News For You: The Shameless Cash-In Book (by Angus Deayton, Ian Hislop, Paul Merton, Colin Swash and Harry Thompson with additional material by Mark Burton and John O’Farrell, BBC Books 1994).
Imperial phase HIGNFY, with good captain The Late Harry Thompson at the helm (try to ignore that he also produced Monkey Dust and several episodes of The 11 O’clock Show, try to think of him this way). Loads of great stuff in here, including transcripts of best bits from the series up to that point (Angus: “I made Thatcher ______ boasts Nigel.” Paul: “Is it ‘swallow’?” [Panel incapable of making any further suggestions]), photos of “Have I Got News For You: Around The World”, which takes in international versions of the successful format (Iraq, where “one team supports Saddam, while the other violently opposes his enemies”, or Ireland, where each panellist carries a pig under their arm), a look at genuine tabloid stories where disgruntled editors have tried to smear the programme, and A Trainspotter’s Guide to HIGNFY (where we learn that the top performing guest on the show at that point was David Thomas, who’d answered 84.61% of questions correctly. Richard Ingrams finished bottom of the ‘News Cretins’ table, getting just 19.67% correct).
All that, and blimey, loads more, including “Tub of Lard In Vice Shame Shock”.
The pages we’ve chosen from the book? Well, as you can see, we’ve gone for a reminder that Ian Hislop was once the sharpest and most entertaining satirist on television. We know, astonishing, isn’t it?
A page (or two) from a different book tomorrow and then NEVER AGAIN. Until then, why not take time to have a look at the television-related book that all the secretly deviant librarians are referring to as OTTTBBOTBTVWNNNTTAN (Off The Telly: The Best Bits of the British TV Website 1999-2009)? Available from Lulu.com in paperback for just £16.99 (that's just £0.00005 per word!), or £3.99 for the PDF ebook version, with any profits going to Alzheimer's charities.
Go on, what else are you going to spend your money on? A… thing for your… ah, we got nothing.
With the OTT Book now on sale, what better time to take a look at some other wonderful telly-related books from the ages? We’ll be posting one (or two) page (or pages) from a different book each and every day until we forget to, we’ve covered all the TV-tie-in books in our collection, or Blogspot wins the pools and leaves the internet to go and live on a beach. Place your bets.
As pretty much all the books in question have long since been deleted by their publishers, there shouldn’t be any legal difficulty there, we hope. Unlike all those superinjunctions that we've blown wide open on our series of postcards stuck in telephone boxes around the country which luckily no-one has noticed yet for some reason. In any case, we’re putting these scans online under the banner of ‘BrokenTV’, and no-one else. Just in case anyone starts waving their lawyers around.
Today, The Brand New Monty Python Bok (The Monty Pythons, Methuen 1973). And colour!
Look, we did all these blog updates in one go, twelve days ago. We’re running on empty. Can you tell?
A page (or two) from a different book tomorrow. Until then, why not take time to have a look at the television-related book that all the most sexually-alluring bibliophiles are referring to as OTTTBBOTBTVWNNNTTAN (Off The Telly: The Best Bits of the British TV Website 1999-2009)? Available from Lulu.com in paperback for just £16.99 (that's just £0.00005 per word!), or £3.99 for the PDF ebook version, with any profits going to Alzheimer's charities.
Go on, what else are you going to spend your money on? Repairing that gaping whole in your ceiling that means each time it rains you get an electric shock when you switch on the light in the spare room?
With the OTT Book now on sale, what better time to take a look at some other wonderful telly-related books from the ages? We’ll be posting one (or two) page (or pages) from a different book each and every day until we forget to, we’ve covered all the TV-tie-in books in our collection, or we spontaneously combust. Place your bets.
As pretty much all the books in question have long since been deleted by their publishers, there shouldn’t be any legal difficulty there, we hope. Unlike all those superinjunctions that we've blown wide open on our Prestel page which luckily no-one has noticed yet for some reason. In any case, we’re putting these scans online under the banner of ‘BrokenTV’, and no-one else. Just in case anyone starts waving their lawyers around.
Today! To the world of 1980s politics, and Not The General Election (by, as far as we can tell, John Lloyd, Sean Hardie, Laurie Rowley, Colin Gilbert and Phil Differ – the credits panel is very much In The Style Of How Viz Does It – Sphere Books 1983).
Bit of a strange one, in a way, this. While the writers of the book were involved in contributing to Not The Nine O'clock News on BBC-2 (well, as far as we know, pretty much any comedy writer of the age capable of sitting at a typewriter chipped in with something for the show), no member of the show’s cast was involved in contributing to the book, unless you include the saucy shot of Pamela Stephenson on the front cover, and the series had ended the year before the book was published. Indeed, the only clear indication that the book really is an official part of the Not canon is the part at the end of the flannel panel which reads “the whole lot copyrighted by those awfully unpleasant people at Not The Nine O'clock News Limited”.
That’s not to say the book isn’t any good, as it’s very good. Highlights include a spoof Radio Times page for election day, a map of Who Owns Britain, and the above, a letter from “Saaaaaaaaaaatchi & Saaaaaaaaaaatchi inc.” on their strategy to promote The Conservative & Unionist Party.
A page (or two) from a different book tomorrow. Until then, why not take time to have a look at the television-related book that all the cooler BBC Four viewers are referring to as OTTTBBOTBTVWNNNTTAN (Off The Telly: The Best Bits of the British TV Website 1999-2009)? Available from Lulu.com in paperback for just £16.99 (that's just £0.00005 per word!), or £3.99 for the PDF ebook version, with any profits going to Alzheimer's charities.
Go on, what else are you going to spend your money on? A nice cake?
With the OTT Book now on sale, what better time to take a look at some other wonderful telly-related books from the ages? We’ll be posting one (or two) page (or pages) from a different book each and every day until we forget to, we’ve covered all the TV-tie-in books in our collection, or we get raptured for being the most saintly and divine persons on the entire planet. Place your bets.
As pretty much all the books in question have long since been deleted by their publishers, there shouldn’t be any legal difficulty there, we hope. Unlike all those superinjunctions that we've blown wide open on our Telesoftware page which luckily no-one has noticed yet for some reason. In any case, we’re putting these scans online under the banner of ‘BrokenTV’, and no-one else. Just in case anyone starts waving their lawyers around.
Today, The Mary Whitehouse Experience Encyclopedia (by David Baddiel (D), Rob Newman (R), Steve Punt and Hugh Dennis, Fourth Estate 1991).
Enjoyable as this book is, the thing that really leaps out at you is the way David Baddiel and Rob Newman have insisted on make explicitly clear which bits of the book they wrote, with every single one of their entries being appended by their initial, while Punt and Dennis are happy for their individual contributions to go uncredited. Though it’s pretty clear which bits Punt and/or Dennis wrote, as they’re the ones that don’t end with “(D)” or “(R)”, and are slightly funnier.
Anyway, here’s a map about how football commentators see the world. Plus ça change, eh readers?
A page (or two) from a different book tomorrow. Until then, why not take time to have a look at the TV-related book that all the droogs are referring to as OTTTBBOTBTVWNNNTTAN (Off The Telly: The Best Bits of the British TV Website 1999-2009)? Available from Lulu.com in paperback for just £16.99 (that's just £0.00005 per word!), or £3.99 for the PDF ebook version, with any profits going to Alzheimer's charities.
Go on, what else are you going to spend your money on? Your licence fee?
With the OTT Book now on sale, what better time to take a look at some other wonderful telly-related books from the ages? We’ll be posting one (or two) page (or pages) from a different book each and every day until we forget to, we’ve covered all the TV-tie-in books in our collection, or we get banned from the internet. Place your bets.
As pretty much all the books in question have long since been deleted by their publishers, there shouldn’t be any legal difficulty there, we hope. Unlike all those superinjunctions that we've blown wide open on our play-by-mail game which luckily no-one has noticed yet for some reason. In any case, we’re putting these scans online under the banner of ‘BrokenTV’, and no-one else. Just in case anyone starts waving their lawyers around.
Ah, Have I Got 1997 For You (by Angus Deayton, Ian Hislop, Paul Merton, Mark Burton, Robert Fraser Steele, John O’Farrell and Colin Swash, BBC Books 1996). Now feeling like a relic of a bygone age (well, it was from the last century, we suppose), this takes the form of a diary, marking such occasions as Nick Leeson’s birthday, or events such as National Take Your Daughter To Work Day (“Lord Parkinson is highly unlikely to take his and Sarah Keays’ daughter to work, as he hasn’t seen her since she was a baby”). In amongst the months are a number of double-page features, such as “How To Fake A Photograph” (such as the Evening Standard Photoshopping a bottle of Becks out of a photo of John Prescott, then cropping it carefully so they can refer to him as a ‘champagne socialist’), or this, a handy guide to where our brave arms dealers are making money in a post-Cold War world.
We’re not sure if there’ll be a book called “Have I Got 2012 For You”, but if there is, we expect it’ll contain framegrabs of the panel laughing at whatever was popular on YouTube three months ago, and 800,000 ways in which Eric Pickles and John Prescott are both quite fat.
A page (or two) from a different book tomorrow. Until then, why not take time to have a look at the TV-related book that all the cybergoths are referring to as OTTTBBOTBTVWNNNTTAN (Off The Telly: The Best Bits of the British TV Website 1999-2009)? Available from Lulu.com in paperback for just £16.99 (that's just £0.00005 per word!), or £3.99 for the PDF ebook version, with any profits going to Alzheimer's charities.
Go on, what else are you going to spend your money on? Clothing your children?
With the OTT Book now on sale, what better time to take a look at some other wonderful telly-related books from the ages? We’ll be posting one (or two) page (or pages) from a different book each and every day until we forget to, we’ve covered all the TV-tie-in books in our collection, or our arms fall off. Place your bets.
As pretty much all the books in question have long since been deleted by their publishers, there shouldn’t be any legal difficulty there, we hope. Unlike all those superinjunctions that we've blown wide open on our BBS which luckily no-one has noticed yet for some reason. In any case, we’re putting these scans online under the banner of ‘BrokenTV’, and no-one else. Just in case anyone starts waving their lawyers around.
Today, a page from The Goodies File (by Tim Brooke-Taylor, Graeme Garden and Bill Oddie, Sphere 1974).
So, just who are The Goodies? This page from near the start of the book gives us the full details. For example, Dr David Graeme Garden “will never use one word when ten will be more confusing”.
No wonder he’s our favourite Goody.
A page (or two) from a different book tomorrow. Until then, why not take time to have a look at the TV-related book that all the cybergoths are referring to as OTTTBBOTBTVWNNNTTAN (Off The Telly: The Best Bits of the British TV Website 1999-2009)? Available from Lulu.com in paperback for just £16.99 (that's just £0.00005 per word!), or £3.99 for the PDF ebook version, with any profits going to Alzheimer's charities.
Go on, what else are you going to spend your money on? Petrol?
With the OTT Book now on sale, what better time to take a look at some other wonderful telly-related books from the ages? We’ll be posting one (or two) page (or pages) from a different book each and every day until we forget to, we’ve covered all the TV-tie-in books in our collection, or our computer explodes from all the people tweeting about The Apprentice whenever it’s on. Place your bets.
As pretty much all the books in question have long since been deleted by their publishers, there shouldn’t be any legal difficulty there, we hope. Unlike all those superinjunctions that we've blown wide open on our Second Life profile page which luckily no-one has noticed yet for some reason. In any case, we’re putting these scans online under the banner of ‘BrokenTV’, and no-one else. Just in case anyone starts waving their lawyers around.
Today, we’ve got a page from Carrott Roots …and Other Myths (by Jasper Carrott, Arrow Books 1986). We’ve probably said this a few times before, but it’s a real shame that Jasp isn’t recognised for the comedy great he actually is. Not only was he one of the few big stand-up acts of the 1970s to avoid the whole sexism-racism thing, not to mention An Audience With Jasper Carrott having aged tremendously well (even down to the retrotastic Adidas cagoule he dons in the pre-credits talking head scene in episode 1, an exact replica of which Ian Brown probably wears today). Yet, when when he won the lifetime achievement gong at the British Comedy Awards a few years back, the reaction of the audience was so muted we felt like punching the entire British comedy industry up the coke-chute. Is ruthlessly mocking the Protect And Survive booklet on BBC-1 at the height of nuclear paranoia not enough for these people?
Anyway, here’s a page where Jasper Carrott pulls some funny faces.
A page (or two) from a different book tomorrow. Until then, why not take time to have a look at the TV-related book that all the steampunks are referring to as OTTTBBOTBTVWNNNTTAN (Off The Telly: The Best Bits of the British TV Website 1999-2009)? Available from Lulu.com in paperback for just £16.99 (that's just £0.00005 per word!), or £3.99 for the PDF ebook version, with any profits going to Alzheimer's charities.
Go on, what else are you going to spend your money on? Heating?
With the OTT Book now on sale, what better time to take a look at some other wonderful telly-related books from the ages? We’ll be posting one (or two) page (or pages) from a different book each and every day until we forget to, we’ve covered all the TV-tie-in books in our collection, or masked men burst into the BrokenTV office yelling at us to stop in the same of all that is holy and decent. Place your bets.
As pretty much all the books in question have long since been deleted by their publishers, there shouldn’t be any legal difficulty there, we hope. Unlike all those superinjunctions that we've blown wide open on our Yahoo group page which luckily no-one has noticed yet for some reason. In any case, we’re putting these scans online under the banner of ‘BrokenTV’, and no-one else. Just in case anyone starts waving their lawyers around.
Today, a page from Bachelor Boys: The Young Ones Book (by Ben Elton, Rik Mayall and Lise Mayer, Sphere 1984).
If, like Neil Pye, you’re frequently losing your address book, then help is at hand, with Neil’s Address Sock. “Write your addresses on something you never take off.”
A page (or two) from a different book tomorrow. Until then, why not take time to have a look at the television-related book that all the most sexily androgynous types are referring to as OTTTBBOTBTVWNNNTTAN (Off The Telly: The Best Bits of the British TV Website 1999-2009)? Available from Lulu.com in paperback for just £16.99 (that's just £0.00005 per word!), or £3.99 for the PDF ebook version, with any profits going to Alzheimer's charities.
Go on, what else are you going to spend your money on? Rent?
With the OTT Book now on sale, what better time to take a look at some other wonderful telly-related books from the ages? We’ll be posting one (or two) page (or pages) from a different book each and every day until we forget to, we’ve covered all the TV-tie-in books in our collection, or the Millennium Bug finally kicks in and all of the internet reverts to how it was in 1999 and we have to go back to doing an irregularly updated website with an unmanageable URL all about the PlayStation One. Place your bets.
As pretty much all the books in question have long since been deleted by their publishers, there shouldn’t be any legal difficulty there, we hope. Unlike all those superinjunctions that we've blown wide open on our Geocities page which luckily no-one has noticed yet for some reason. In any case, we’re putting these scans online under the banner of ‘BrokenTV’, and no-one else. Just in case anyone starts waving their lawyers around.
Today, a page from Monty Python: The Case Against (by Robert Hewison, Methuen 1981). What it lacks in actual hilarity, it gains in containing an actual audience research report on an episode of Monty Python’s Flying Circus (“Sex and Voilence”, series one episode two, aired Sunday, 12th October 1969, 11.10-11.35pm, BBC 1).
“It is estimated that the audience for this broadcast was 2.9% of the United Kingdom population. Programmes on BBC2 and ITV at the time were seen by 0.5% and 14.8% (averages).”
It even includes a breakdown of social demographic of the Flying Circus audience (49% of viewers were classed as ‘A+’ or ‘A’), and a reaction index rating of 55 – ten points higher than that for the first episode.
Shut up, all that IS interesting. Tsk. Genuinely, we’d like to see more of this kind of thing in TV tie-in books.
A page (or two) from a different book tomorrow. Until then, why not take time to have a look at the TV-related book that all the flapper girls are calling OTTTBBOTBTVWNNNTTAN (Off The Telly: The Best Bits of the British TV Website 1999-2009)? Available from Lulu.com in paperback for just £16.99 (that's just £0.00005 per word!), or £3.99 for the PDF ebook version, with any profits going to Alzheimer's charities.
Go on, what else are you going to spend your money on? Food?
With the OTT Book now on sale, what better time to take a look at some other wonderful telly-related books from the ages? We’ll be posting one (or two) page (or pages) from a different book each and every day until we forget to, we’ve covered all the TV-tie-in books in our collection, or a yesterday’s post prompts the BBC into replacing the remainder of Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle series two with repeats of h&p@bbc and we have to go and hide in a cave for the rest of our lives. Place your bets.
As pretty much all the books in question have long since been deleted by their publishers, there shouldn’t be any legal difficulty there, we hope. Unlike all those superinjunctions that we've blown wide open on our Linkedin page which luckily no-one has noticed yet for some reason. In any case, we’re putting these scans online under the banner of ‘BrokenTV’, and no-one else. Just in case anyone starts waving their lawyers around.
Today, it’s a page from Monty Python’s Meaning of Life (by Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Terry Jones, Eric Idle and Michael Palin, Methuen 1991), and the opening part of the scene that originally wasn’t in the film, but then got put back into it for the US region one limited edition release and then everyone kind of understood why they’d took it out in the first place as it really slowed down the pacing of that part of the film. Though Graham Chapman’s face in this photo makes it all worthwhile, so that’s nice, and we won’t pretend we weren’t utterly thrilled to finally get to see the actual scene in question.
A page (or two) from a different book tomorrow. Until then, why not take time to have a look at the TV-related book that all the kids in their backwards (or sideways) baseball caps are calling OTTTBBOTBTVWNNNTTAN (Off The Telly: The Best Bits of the British TV Website 1999-2009)? Available from Lulu.com in paperback for just £16.99 (that's just £0.00005 per word!), or £3.99 for the PDF ebook version, with any profits going to Alzheimer's charities.
With the OTT Book now on sale, what better time to take a look at some other wonderful telly-related books from the ages? We’ll be posting one (or two) page (or pages) from a different book each and every day until we forget to, we’ve covered all the TV-tie-in books in our collection, or a ten ton truck crushes both of us. Place your bets.
As pretty much all the books in question have long since been deleted by their publishers, there shouldn’t be any legal difficulty there, we hope. Unlike all those superinjunctions that we've broken on our Bebo page which luckily no-one has noticed yet for some reason. In any case, we’re putting these scans online under the banner of ‘BrokenTV’, and no-one else. Just in case anyone starts waving their lawyers around.
Today, a page from The Hale & Pace Book of Writes and Rons (by Gareth Hale and Norman Pace, Arrow Books 1988).
Admittedly, Gareth and Norman are hardly seen as watermarks of 1980s alternative comedy, and the book doesn’t often do much to change our minds about thinking that, but it certainly does have a few nice moments. And admit it, if you’re old enough to remember them on Saturday Live/Friday Night Live/underrated C4 sitcom-cum-variety-show The Management, they seemed groundbreakingly original at one point. In fact, maybe they’ve still got it. Maybe, just maybe, they both had minor reconstructive plastic surgery, moved to the USA, and became Tim & Eric.
Or not.
A page (or two) from a different book tomorrow. Until then, why not take time to have a look at the TV-related book that all the hipsters are calling OTTTBBOTBTVWNNNTTAN (Off The Telly: The Best Bits of the British TV Website 1999-2009)? Available from Lulu.com in paperback for just £16.99 (that's just £0.00005 per word!), or £3.99 for the PDF ebook version, with any profits going to Alzheimer's charities.
As for the competition to win a FREE COPY, it’s now over. Congratulations to Yvonne Jarman from Hertfordshire, who will soon be the lucky recipient of a copy of the book.
With the OTT Book now on sale, what better time to take a look at some other wonderful telly-related books from the ages? We’ll be posting one (or two) page (or pages) from a different book each and every day until we forget to, we’ve covered all the TV-tie-in books in our collection, or we get called up to captain Wales at the World Cup Finals and are subsequently too busy to post any more scans. Place your bets.
As pretty much all the books in question have long since been deleted by their publishers, there shouldn’t be any legal difficulty there, we hope. Unlike all those superinjunctions that we've leaked on our Google Buzz page which luckily no-one has noticed yet for some reason. In any case, we’re putting these scans online under the banner of ‘BrokenTV’, and no-one else. Just in case anyone starts waving their lawyers around.
Today, a couple of pages from the Vic Reeves Big Night In tie-in book (by Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer, Fantail Books 1991). In what’s quite a difference to the remainder of the book (re-written content from the show, lots of reliably wonderful Vic Reeves illustrations, comic strips done by a proper comic artist that subsequently don’t feel quite right in the world of Reeves and Mortimer), Vic and Bob quite earnestly discuss some of their favourite albums, namely offerings from The Cure, PiL, Kraftwerk, The Fall and Da La Soul.
A page (or two) from a different book tomorrow. Until then, why not take time to have a look at the TV-related book that all the skinny indie kids are calling OTTTBBOTBTVWNNNTTAN (Off The Telly: The Best Bits of the British TV Website 1999-2009)? Available from Lulu.com in paperback for just £16.99 (that's just £0.00005 per word!), or £3.99 for the PDF ebook version, with any profits going to Alzheimer's charities. Or, you can win a copy for free from here or here (as long as you enter by Friday. At 6pm. So, hurry).
With the OTT Book now on sale, what better time to take a look at some other wonderful telly-related books from the ages? We’ll be posting one (or two) page (or pages) from a different book each and every day until we forget to, we’ve covered all the TV-tie-in books in our collection, or the sun explodes killing everybody on the planet. Place your bets.
As pretty much all the books in question have long since been deleted by their publishers, there shouldn’t be any legal difficulty there, we hope. Unlike all those superinjunctions that we've broken on our MySpace page which luckily no-one has noticed yet for some reason. In any case, we’re putting these scans online under the banner of ‘BrokenTV’, and no-one else. Just in case anyone starts waving their lawyers around.
First up, a page from The Lavishly Tooled Smith And Jones Instant Coffee Table Book (by Griff Rhys Jones, Rory McGrath and Clive Anderson, Fontana 1986), taking a few cheery jabs at a certain science-fiction author.
A page (or two) from a different book tomorrow. Until then, why not take time to have a look at the TV-related book that all the hepcats are calling OTTTBBOTBTVWNNNTTAN (Off The Telly: The Best Bits of the British TV Website 1999-2009)? Available from Lulu.com in paperback for just £16.99 (that's just £0.00005 per word!), or £3.99 for the PDF ebook version, with any profits going to Alzheimer's charities. Or, you can win a copy for free from here or here (as long as you enter by Friday).
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