Friday, 13 January 2006

So. This is what it's like being part of the other 90%.

Now, BrokenTV is as cynical as the next television blog. As such, we've resolutely failed to subscribe to the annual Big Brother hysteria. So, it's come as a sizable personal surprise to find ourselves somehow addicted to the current series of Celebrity Big Brother. Don't worry, listeners. We still hate The Friday Night Project and Bo Selecta, and fully expect to revert to our natural state of RealiTV* indifference once the next series of Regular Big Brother grips the nation. (*Google hits for the term RealiTV: 796. We're amazed more people haven't thought up that term.)

Why the sudden volte-face? Well:

The line-up seems to be monumentally more interesting than previous Celeb BB's. No Mark Owens or John McCrirricks here (we don't care how his surname is actually spelled). While we may not neccessarily have heard of all this year's participants (Traci Who?), or even like the ones we had heard of (although we did see Michael Barrymore perform live, supporting Little And Large on Blackpool Central Pier, when we were eight years old. He was doing his 'sending people out of the theatre for dissent' schtick at the time, and we were easily impressed), but you can't deny that this year's bunch are, mainly, interesting. Well, you probably won't, but at least we now have something to talk to girls about other than hoping they like football or Nintendo DS games. Er, although we still feel oddly compelled to follow up the words "so, did you see Big Brother last night?" with "We're not gay, by the way". Yes, we clearly have 'issues'.

Also, if Traci wins: someone else at Betfair gives us £80. If Faria wins (unlikely at the moment, but we can't see the others putting her up for eviction any time soon, and who knows what could happen from there), we get a lovely £160. And if you know BrokenTV, you'll know getting to talk to girls and the promise of free money are the two main things most likely to get us interested in anything.

We're not even going to make any lazy "that Chantelle seems a bit thick" comments. She seems perfectly nice, even if she didn't know what a gynecologist was. Plus, she's a trillion percent less annoying than her looky-likey Paris Twatting Hilton is, so we'd gladly have her round for tea any time.

Mind you, we can't imagine wanting to see her
on our telly ever again once CBB06 has
finished. We expect to suffer disappointment there.

What have we learnt since then? That despite how much any one of a random selection of celebrities may annoy us, everyone has at least some good in them. After all, even Jodie had her "Michael has a massive problem with vegetarians. Well, I've got a problem with dead bodies in swimming pools, but still" which was entertainingly blunt and great, and Pete redeemed himself after all that bitchiness with responding to the housemates' reduced food budget with "hey, we could just eat Dennis. Eh, Dennis?". Oh, and even Margaret Thatcher helped invent Butterscotch flavour Angel Delight. Not that she's involved in CBB, but it helps illustrate our point.

Mark you, George Galloway 'being' a cat is the most disturbing thing we've ever seen on television, ever. Personally, we want to see Rula voted out next, just to piss him off. And we're still fucked if we're watching the follow-on show hosted by Russell "Britain's Biggest Cunt" Brand, though.

Ah, there's that healthy sense of disdain - how we've missed it.

5 .:

Anthony said...

The one good thing about Celeb Big Bro -- perhaps the only good thing about it -- is that it's been the cause of the greatest sentence ever spoken by a BBC news reporter: "while Parliament debated London's new east-west rail link, which directly affects the voters who elected him, Mr Galloway was pretending to be a cat, licking imaginary milk from the hands of actress Rula Lenska".

brig bother said...

> we want to see Rula voted out next

Nooo! Lenska is great, the only one in there who is a proper luvvie and yet seems perfectly happy in just getting on with it.

trendthrift said...

Re: Russell "Britain's Biggest Cunt" Brand

Nail on the head, right there.

Mark X said...

Just when we were starting to warm to Rula, she went and did her elephant impression, or as she'd probably have it, "her interpretation of an elephant". Because she is so very good at ac-ting. That alongside the whole 'being a cat' discomfort-fest, really put us off her again.

As it stands, we've nearly forgiven George for his po-faced "oh, if they were on about who's most famous globally, it'd be me. I'm known by 1.2billion muslims around the world, you know" comment. And a comment as awesomely egotistic (and blatently wrong) as that, takes a *lot* to make up for.

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