While it’s a bit of an elderly meme in the terms of The Inter-Net, we’ve just stumbled across a wonderful site called PolishPoster.com. Amongst other types of unframed wall-mounted artwork, the company sells copies of the delightfully weird movie posters used throughout Poland.
At this point you might very well be pawing madly at your eye sockets, having decided the searing pain of scooping out your own eyeballs is slightly preferable to reading how the Polish poster for Terminator 3: Rise Of The Whatevers has the name of the actors in a different font or something. However, you’d be quite stupid to do so – the thing about Polish movie posters is that they are utterly and majestically deranged, as this post from the vastly good blog Well Medicated proves.
The nice thing about PolishPoster is that they prove, with typical Polish pluck, that the fifty posters on view at Well Medicated are by no means the exception – they’ve got hundreds of the blimming things. And that brings us to tonight’s quiz -- we’ve taken the names of the films out of twenty Polish film posters - can you guess the titles of each cinematic offering portrayed below?
1. Stop Or M. C. Escher Will Shoot!
2. Attack Of The Killer Telephones
3. Sketchy McDraw and Crayon Girl’s Blue Gun Bang Off
4. Bikini Bang-Bang
5. Rush(ed Pop Art) Hour
6. Rush(ed Pop Art) Hour 2: How Long ‘Til Deadline?
7. Revenge of the Corona Bubbles
8. Error At The Printers: Rejected Cover Design From 1983 Spectrum Text Adventure Used By Mistake
9. Snakefilm McFluteytongue
10. When Patriotic American Chameleons Eat Money
11. Confessions Of A Really Pink Cartoon Character
12. The Pink Panther Gets Bootylicious
13. My Hand, It Has A Lady’s Face On It!
14. Yellow Submarine II: The Really American Train
15. Shouty Moustache Guy’s Shoulders Are Exploding Implausably
16. The Red Snake That Looked Like It Was Climbing Up A Tree, But Was Actually The One Being Climbed Up By A Tree 2: The Sapling
17. Sympathy For Mrs Hiveface
18. Stick Figure Theatre Presents: High Noon
19. The Artist Who Couldn’t Draw Legs
20. Stabby Nostrilguy Goes Bananas
Okay, while you’re puzzling over that, here’s the first episode of 1984’s BBC Two George Cole Communist-com Comrade Dad, in three parts. No special reason. The answers are below the embedded videos.
Man, you’ll kick yourselves when you see these. Each film title offers a link to its page on PolishPosters, so you can see that we’re not making up the answers, so you can buy a copy of said poster should you want to, and in the hope that they don’t take legal action against us. IMDB links also added, in case you’re not quite sure why some of the images are so mesmerisingly inappropriate.
(Yes, we know we’ve even blanked out the names of the films when they’ve been written in Polish. No free rides for Polish speakers.)
3. Star Wars. (you don’t need an imdb link for this, surely)
And with that, we draw a curtain on Polish Movie Poster Quiz Time. If you got all twenty of them correct without peeking at the answers, award yourself with a pat on the back and a tasty plateful of nice hot pierogi*. You know, boiled dumplings of unleavened dough stuffed with varying ingredients. While you’re waiting for them to cook, we’ll mention PolishPoster.com once more, as it seems to be a really good site, and hopefully when they check their backlinks they’ll offer us some free posters. Ahem.
(*Or cold pierogi. We’ve no idea how it is meant to be served, we couldn’t be bothered reading the entire Wikipedia entry.)