Data Week: BBC Three (and Sexy Governors)

So, after not updating for a while, what better way could there be to return than with a big list of lovely numbers? (Readers voice: “Oh bloody hell.”)

We’ve been scouring the ever useful BARB website, and we’ve been looking into viewing figures for a number of channels over the past twelve months. To kick off, we’re going to take a look at BBC Three. And to make things even more exciting, we’re going to intersperse our findings with some historic cheesecake shots of the BBC Board Of Governors, like this one from 2001:

Phwoar, eh?

So, here’s what we’ve done. Working from the “weekly top ten” viewing figures from BARB’s website, we’ve compiled a listing of the 200 most watched shows on BBC Three over the last twelve months. Then, we’ve broken them down by show, to see which are the most popular programmes on the channel. We’ve even come up with a list of shows by type, to work out how many of BBC Three’s original shows are on there. Anyway, here’s the list in full, just after another shot of the BBC Board Of Governors. This time from 2002:

Mmm, ‘playful’. Here’s the list.

overall rank	show	viewers (000s)
1	Eastenders (12 July 2009)	1,907
2	Eastenders (05 April 2009)	1,795
3	Eastenders (12 April 2009)	1,782
4	Eastenders (19 April 2009)	1,643
5	Eastenders (05 April 2009)	1,580
6	Eastenders (28 December 2008)	1,568
7	Eastenders (18 January 2009)	1,555
8	Eastenders (24 May 2009)	1,533
9	Eastenders (07 June 2009)	1,495
10	Eastenders (31 May 2009)	1,495
11	Eastenders (04 January 2009)	1,476
12	Eastenders (15 February 2009)	1,458
13	Eastenders (19 July 2009)	1,456
14	Eastenders (29 March 2009)	1,453
15	Eastenders (11 January 2009)	1,442
16	Heroes (21 December 2008)	1,440
17	Eastenders (25 April 2009)	1,435
18	Eastenders (21 December 2008)	1,432
19	Eastenders (16 November 2008)	1,417
20	Eastenders (22 February 2009)	1,415
21	Eastenders (28 June 2009)	1,405
22	Eastenders (22 March 2009)	1,383
24	Horne & Corden (15 March 2009)	1,373
23	Eastenders (14 December 2008)	1,373
25	Film: Pirates Of The Caribbean: Curse Of The Black Pearl (04 January 2009)	1,361
26	Eastenders (08 March 2009)	1,328
27	Eastenders (17 May 2009)	1,317
28	Heroes (16 November 2008)	1,310
29	Eastenders (05 July 2009)	1,305
30	Eastenders (08 February 2009)	1,305
31	Eastenders (25 January 2009)	1,290
32	Heroes (07 December 2008)	1,288
33	Film: Bruce Almighty (2003) (21 December 2008)	1,285
34	Eastenders (09 November 2008)	1,272
35	Eastenders (07 December 2008)	1,263
36	Heroes (19 October 2008)	1,259
37	Eastenders (30 August 2009)	1,250
38	Heroes (14 December 2008)	1,239
39	Film: War Of The Worlds (2005) (25 January 2009)	1,222
40	Eastenders (21 June 2009)	1,214
41	Spooks (30 November 2008)	1,213
42	Eastenders (14 June 2009)	1,207
43	Film: Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Cu (04 January 2009)	1,203
45	Heroes (12 October 2008)	1,200
44	Eastenders (12 October 2008)	1,200
46	Heroes (30 November 2008)	1,198
48	Heroes (23 November 2008)	1,193
47	Eastenders (23 November 2008)	1,193
49	Family Guy (19 July 2009)	1,192
50	Heroes (05 October 2008)	1,189
51	Eastenders (30 November 2008)	1,187
52	Eastenders (09 November 2008)	1,171
53	Eastenders (26 October 2008)	1,163
54	Eastenders (12 April 2009)	1,157
55	Heroes (09 November 2008)	1,152
56	Eastenders (13 September 2009)	1,145
57	Eastenders (06 September 2009)	1,144
58	Eastenders (16 August 2009)	1,142
59	Heroes (26 October 2008)	1,135
60	Eastenders (01 February 2009)	1,134
61	Eastenders (19 October 2008)	1,123
62	Eastenders (12 April 2009)	1,114
63	Eastenders (25 April 2009)	1,113
64	Match Of The Day Live (21 June 2009)	1,109
65	Heroes (02 November 2008)	1,108
66	Eastenders (14 June 2009)	1,106
67	Eastenders (05 October 2008)	1,102
68	Eastenders (01 March 2009)	1,101
69	Horne & Corden (22 March 2009)	1,096
70	Being Human (25 January 2009)	1,092
71	Match Of The Day Live (28 June 2009)	1,090
72	Eastenders (03 May 2009)	1,088
73	Eastenders (19 April 2009)	1,087
74	Being Human (01 March 2009)	1,086
75	Eastenders (05 April 2009)	1,076
76	Heroes (19 April 2009)	1,068
77	Heroes (01 March 2009)	1,063
78	Family Guy (19 April 2009)	1,059
79	Eastenders (05 July 2009)	1,049
80	Eastenders (02 November 2008)	1,046
82	Heroes (12 April 2009)	1,042
81	Eastenders (10 May 2009)	1,042
83	Eastenders (09 November 2008)	1,036
85	Heroes (03 May 2009)	1,030
84	Eastenders (17 May 2009)	1,030
87	Heroes (15 March 2009)	1,018
86	Eastenders (23 August 2009)	1,018
88	Match Of The Day Live (28 June 2009)	1,017
90	Heroes (08 March 2009)	1,016
89	Eastenders (31 May 2009)	1,016
91	Eastenders (03 May 2009)	1,015
92	Eastenders (09 August 2009)	1,013
93	Eastenders (19 July 2009)	1,011
95	Spooks (23 November 2008)	1,010
94	Eastenders (23 August 2009)	1,010
96	Film: Shrek (01 February 2009)	1,008
98	Heroes (25 April 2009)	998
97	Eastenders (29 March 2009)	998
99	Eastenders (24 May 2009)	988
100	Match Of The Day Live (28 June 2009)	987
101	Eastenders (28 June 2009)	984
102	Eastenders (14 December 2008)	983
103	Heroes (22 March 2009)	981
104	Eastenders (05 October 2008)	979
105	Horne & Corden (05 April 2009)	976
106	Being Human (01 February 2009)	974
107	Eastenders (01 March 2009)	972
108	Family Guy (31 May 2009)	971
109	Eastenders (11 January 2009)	966
110	Eastenders (05 April 2009)	962
111	Eastenders (03 May 2009)	961
112	Family Guy (19 April 2009)	959
113	Eastenders (19 July 2009)	955
115	Heroes (05 April 2009)	953
114	Eastenders (12 July 2009)	953
116	Family Guy (28 June 2009)	946
117	Eastenders (16 August 2009)	945
118	Heroes (29 March 2009)	942
119	Eastenders (05 July 2009)	941
120	Eastenders (21 June 2009)	936
121	Eastenders (19 April 2009)	935
122	Spooks (02 November 2008)	933
123	Film: National Treasure (2004) (06 September 2009)	932
124	Match Of The Day Live (28 June 2009)	929
125	Eastenders (28 June 2009)	925
126	Eastenders (10 May 2009)	925
127	Eastenders (22 March 2009)	924
129	Film: Meet The Fockers (2004) (12 April 2009)	923
128	Eastenders (13 September 2009)	923
130	Family Guy (19 April 2009)	921
131	Eastenders (07 June 2009)	917
132	Eastenders (17 May 2009)	916
133	Eastenders (22 February 2009)	915
134	Eastenders (30 August 2009)	914
135	Underage And Pregnant (02 August 2009)	913
137	Film: Bruce Almighty (2003) (28 December 2008)	912
138	Film: The Pacifier (2005) (26 July 2009)	912
136	Doctor Who (12 April 2009)	912
139	Film: Shrek (08 February 2009)	909
140	Eastenders (29 March 2009)	907
141	Eastenders (22 February 2009)	907
142	Family Guy (26 July 2009)	906
143	Match Of The Day Live (15 February 2009)	901
144	Eastenders (30 November 2008)	900
145	Blood, Sweat And T-Shirts (24 May 2009)	899
146	Family Guy (03 May 2009)	898
150	Family Guy (10 May 2009)	896
147	Eastenders (21 June 2009)	896
148	Eastenders (25 April 2009)	896
149	Eastenders (25 January 2009)	896
151	Family Guy (19 April 2009)	894
152	Eastenders (09 August 2009)	891
153	Family Guy (17 May 2009)	888
154	Horne & Corden (29 March 2009)	887
155	Eastenders (12 July 2009)	883
157	Film: Wallace Gromit In The Curse Of T (01 March 2009)	881
156	Eastenders (22 February 2009)	881
158	Eastenders (21 December 2008)	880
159	Eastenders (29 March 2009)	879
160	Eastenders (15 March 2009)	879
162	Film: War Of The Worlds (2005) (25 January 2009)	878
161	Family Guy (12 July 2009)	878
163	Eastenders (26 July 2009)	877
164	Eastenders (28 December 2008)	875
165	Eastenders (07 December 2008)	874
166	Family Guy (05 July 2009)	870
168	Family Guy (21 June 2009)	868
167	Eastenders (28 December 2008)	868
169	Eastenders (25 April 2009)	866
170	Eastenders (15 March 2009)	863
171	Eastenders (18 January 2009)	861
172	Gavin And Stacey (28 December 2008)	860
173	Eastenders (02 November 2008)	859
174	Eastenders (02 August 2009)	858
175	Match Of The Day Live (21 June 2009)	855
176	Eastenders (26 July 2009)	853
177	Eastenders (26 October 2008)	852
178	Torchwood: Children Of Earth (12 July 2009)	852
179	Eastenders (02 August 2009)	849
180	Eastenders (07 June 2009)	846
181	Film: Cool Runnings (28 December 2008)	845
182	Eastenders (04 January 2009)	844
183	Live At The Apollo (26 July 2009)	844
184	Eastenders (26 July 2009)	842
185	Eastenders (23 November 2008)	842
186	Eastenders (08 March 2009)	839
187	Eastenders (09 August 2009)	838
188	Eastenders (12 October 2008)	838
189	Eastenders (16 November 2008)	837
190	Eastenders (30 November 2008)	835
192	Family Guy (30 August 2009)	830
191	Comic Relief's Naughty Bits (08 March 2009)	830
193	Eastenders (24 May 2009)	829
194	Film: National Treasure (2004) (13 September 2009)	826
195	Eastenders (15 March 2009)	825
196	Eastenders (15 February 2009)	825
197	Eastenders (14 June 2009)	821
198	Eastenders (10 May 2009)	821
199	Eastenders (21 December 2008)	821
200	Spooks (09 November 2008)	820

 

Notice a bit of, well, running theme throughout that list? So, with those shows under consideration, here’s a breakdown of them:

As might be expected from the above list, 124 of BBC Three’s 200 most-watched shows over the last year involve the miserable residents of Walford, or 62%. And given EastEnders is often the most-watched show in any given week, how does the chart look when converted into total viewers? A total aggregate of viewers would be quite unfair, as EastEnders is on BBC Three about 150 times per year, so instead we’ll look at the averages:

So, quite interestingly, the ‘Stenders only fall into fourth spot on the list, with first-run Heroes and a couple of films in front of it. Godawful sketch show Horne & Corden makes a mark as top-rated BBC Three original production using this criteria, though it should be noted only the average viewing figure of the four H&C episodes making the top 200 are used here. The remainder of the series failed to make the cut (at least one broadcast not even making the BBC Three top ten for that week). Anyway, we’re boring ourselves now.

Ah, that’s better. The 2003 bunch and a sofa, there. So, breaking the list down by type of show, what sort of chart do we get then?

That’s right: an interesting chart. 64% of shows making up the top 200 had previously been shown on BBC One, with a further 2% being premiere episodes of Spooks, shown on BBC One the following week. Of the lot, just 5% of the top 200 shows were original commissions for BBC Three, ten broadcasts in total (namely four eps of Horne & Corden, three of Being Human, and one each of Blood, Sweat And T-Shirts, Gavin And Stacey, and Underage And Pregnant).

So, what have we learned from all this? Well, EastEnders and films are very popular. “Georgia's Story - 33 Stone At 15”, somewhat less so (it was the 446th most watched show, coincidentally). Nothing you couldn’t have easily guessed, admittedly, but we’re sticking with Data Week until the bitter end. You’ll see.

 

Tomorrow: Sky One.

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What IMDB Says, And What It Ought To Say

Who watches a Pixar film, and instead of being enthralled by the magic within, simply sits there taking mental notes of things that might not be 100% realistic? IMDB contributors, that’s who.

It’s a animated movie about an old man who FLIES HIS HOUSE. We don’t think it’s based on a true story, you guys.

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BrokenTV Movie Club: Special Bulletin (1983)

This is something quite special. Special Bulletin was a TV movie broadcast on NBC in 1983, depicting a threat from US-based intellectual-pacifist terrorist cell to detonate a nuke in a Charleston harbour. At this point you might be mentally composing a Photoshopped screen-grab plastered with the words PACIFISM FAIL, but bear with us. The twist is, all events are relayed through simulated live rolling news coverage from the fictional RBS Network. It's all put together very well, being shot on video as opposed to film in order to capture that newsy feel more accurately, and it even opens with a authentically 1983-ish promo for forthcoming shows being interrupted by a - hey! - special bulletin.

On the original broadcast, it was deemed realistic enough to warrant disclaimers after each commercial break reminding viewers that events aren't real, along with the occasional on-screen "Dramatization" caption, lest it kick off a huge War Of The Worlds-style panic. All we'll say is: we dipped into it out of curiosity, and ended up sticking engrossedly with it, right to the end. Why, at several points our traditionally cynical expressions melted away to make room for something approaching actual concern for the participants. Enjoy, and try not to let your suspension of disbelief drop as soon as you realise one of the terrorists is played by David "Sledge Hammer/Warmongering Senator From In The Loop" Rasche.

Oh, and try not to get distracted by the Washington correspondent who looks a bit like Dan Rather, but who isn't Dan Rather. While the whole thing is slightly deflated by a couple of aspects (one being the slightly histrionic performance of Kathryn Walker as co-anchor, the other we're not mentioning, but you'll spot it), it's otherwise a decidedly engrossing depiction of what such coverage possibly would have been like at the time. We could go on about it some more, but it's the sort of film where seeing events unfold without knowing too much in advance - and being able to make comparisons with how such events would be reported now - really adds to your enjoyment. Oh, and a quick nod to the splendid SOTCAA forum, which is where we read about it.

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So, Derren Brown’s Lottery Prediction Thing

So, Darren “Stop Calling Me Darren” Brown’s lottery prediction stunt passed over without a hitch – he actually did successfully predict the numbers before they were drawn. Well, something like that anyway. Luckily, because we’re astonishingly farsighted*, we recorded both the More4 and BBC One transmissions between 10.34pm and 10.41pm in our Topfield Freeview box’s picture-in-picture mode.

(*Well, because TV’s Steve Berry** tweeted a comment at us mentioning the idea at 10.29pm, leading to us scrabbling around like berks trying to remember how Super PiP works, but you get the gist.)

(** Are you famous? Unlikely, as you’re reading BrokenTV instead of eating a cocaine in That London, but anyway. If you are, why not contribute to Steve Berry’s charity Doctor Who book? Go on, it’s for a good cause.)

We’ve even uploaded it to YouTube. Here’s the video. Try to ignore the fact it isn’t in proper widescreen mode because our DVD recorder isn’t very good. In fact, we’re willing to be ‘sponsored’ by any companies willing to send us a free Blu-ray recorder.

So there it is (yes, we know there’s a “Config mode: ON” banner there). How did he do that, then, eh? Here are three of our potential explanations:

1) The far side of the balls were covered in an E-ink surface, which could be controlled remotely by a crew member. E-ink is a real thing, by the way, not something we’ve made up. However, while it’s relatively flexible, we’re not sure you can coast a ball with it like that.

2) Some kind of remote controlled Etch-a-sketch type pen inside each of the balls, again, remotely controlled by an unseen crew member. After all, we reckon the first time Etch-a-sketch was unveiled it would have been regarded as tantamount to witchcraft.

3) Brown had simply used an invisible man, or possibly a ghost, to hide inside the draw machine on the Lottery Draw set, and simply place the designated balls inside the tube at the correct moment. The simplest explanations are often the right ones.

Frippery aside, there’s some clever misdirection from the mouth of Brown on tonight’s live feature. The mentioned legal reasons for not screening more than a snippet of the live BBC One show on Channel Four was surely true enough, but his claim that “after a meeting with Camelot […] I can’t show you the numbers until just after the result of the draw has been announced” is likely to be misdirection - he could easily have countered "What? I'm just stating my prediction of the numbers, you're the ones announcing them? I'm not even going to claim I'll get all six correct". His claim that “we don’t know exactly what time the draw will be shown on BBC One, we just hope it’s while this ten minute show is live” is certainly misdirection, as the timing of the lottery draw is assuredly fixed (apart from during exceptional circumstances – if a huge breaking story had kicked off at 10.20pm things would have been derailed) – especially as the Thunderball draw was going on at the exact moment Brown was saying those words. He even says “we are hoping it will happen at some point in the next ten minutes” as the Thunderball draw is finishing.

Also, he states that “tonight, I’m going to try and predict at least five of the six lottery numbers”. Clearly, the chances of doing so are still as close to astronomical as dammit given the surrounding hype, but then that’s merely akin to an old car salesman’s trick of saying “is that more than you’d hoped to spend?”, with the aim of Johnny Carbuyer feeling compelled to prove he does have that extra few hundred quid to splurge on a motor after all, thank you very-bloody-much. In this case, Brown slightly lowers the bar for success, knowing that when he clears it comfortably after all, his feat seems more impressive.

You’ll note his repeated claims (both in recent press for the show, and in the show itself) that it had taken him “a year or preparation” for the live Lotto stunt. If that really were the case, and if the “prediction was made earlier on today” (as he claims), why weren’t the numbers displayed as a great big fuck-off painted mural on brickwork behind a silk curtain, instead of “on some ping-pong balls”? Because, quite clearly, the numbers were added to the balls after the draw was made.

All that said, it’s still great to see things like this going on. We especially like the way Brown makes out he’s so excited and uncertain about the events as they unfold, as if it were the first time he’s done something like this. It’ll be interesting the ‘reveal’ on Friday, just as long as he doesn’t go along the made-up “well, I felt that we were due to get number 39, because I’m magic” route. By definition, all “TV magic” is merely distraction and/or illusion, but for everyone over the age of ten, the fun really comes from working out how the frigging chuff they actually did the thing they’ve just done. On Friday night, hopefully, we shall see.

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First Of The Summer Skins, Plus A Lottery Prediction Prediction

In precisely the kind of channel-hopping stunt that we absolutely love, Darren “No, I Think You’ll Find It’s Derren” Brown is going to appear simultaneously on Channel Four, Film4, E4, More4, 4Music and 4-Tel (one of those is a lie) at 10.30pm on Wednesday (or, by the time you read this, tonight). But wait, that’s not the remarkable thing (even though it is kind of remarkable). When he’s live on air he has vowed to predict the numbers of the Midweek Lottery draw, broadcast live on BBC One five minutes later. So, guessing (sorry, predicting) which six numbers will be drawn, before they’re drawn. 

Of course, his predictions will be made after the tickets stop going on sale, no doubt to the annoyance of thousands of viewers hovering over the National Lottery website at 10.33pm that night. Anyway, it’s all going to be some kind of clever jape involving the words “I’ve written down the six numbers, and put them in this sealed envelope - tune in after the Lotto draw to see me open it”, and 13,999,999 spare envelopes hidden in crafty places around the set. Or he’ll hypnotise the nation at 10.40pm into thinking he’d got it right. Or maybe, Derren Brown will use a method such as this: at 10.30pm, flash up the following image for a split second:

Then show the image again at about 10.40pm, only this time with all of the wrong digits subtly dimmed by 20%, giving the impression the winning numbers were clearly visible all along. That’d fool us into assuming it was just our cold, closed minds that had prevented us from ‘getting’ it.

Anyway, whatever happens, we’ll be watching it. Much as we will be and have been watching Land Girls on BBC One (also on BBC HD). The trailer managed to confuse us on Sunday night, with what seemed to be a relatively expensive WWII period drama being shown at the surely-it-must-be-a-Bank-Holiday time of 5.15pm, but no, that’s the timeslot for it. And in our defence, we’d spent around 80% of Sunday in bed drowning in a sea of the most devilishly feverish visions – the concept of cricket or toast would probably have had us similarly floundered by the time we finally made it to the sofa. It’s on every weekday this, er, week at that time, suggesting it’s geared towards elder children.

Not a bit of it. Episode two alone featured 1940s teenage pregnancy and subsequent attempted abortion, a nine-year-old boy selling bootleg whiskey, arguments aplenty, a bar brawl, thwarted equestricide, and three cast members from the magnificent Early Doors to boot. All in the traditional Blue Peter slot.

Despite us just making it sound like First Of The Summer Skins, or BBC Three’s Fuck Off I’m A Civilian Landworker, it’s all handled as sensibly as if it had been filtered through the typewriter ribbons of Michael O’Neill and Jeremy Seabrook. All the characters you’d expect to find in a classic BBC children’s drama are there:

The plucky teenage girl who’d lied about her age in order to help with the war effort, spunky and idealistic, and who’d think nothing of marching into the American soldiers’ mess to demand they improve the lot of their black compatriots.

Her steadying influence of an older sister (Christine Bottomley, below left), ready to pluckily corner any American GIs who’d try to take advantage of her young sis, and prod their chests so hard their medals will leave indentations in their ribcage.

A plucky pre-teen scallywag happy to aid the scam-hungry farmer (Mark Benton) with some wizard carrot-related wheezes.

A nosey parker Sergeant willing to spend as much time peeking into the business of his own men as carrying out his duties. If this were being made in 1983, he’d be played by Stephen Lewis.

The Lord Of The Manor – a well-meaning war hero who is always on hand with a word of cheery encouragement or some first-aid tips gleaned from his time in the Somme

The deceitful Lady Of The Manor, on hand to pass on the valuable lesson to children that at least 50% of posh people throughout history were evil (legal note: may not be true).

The perpetually cheery (and plucky) midlands girl who refuses to dwell on the hand life has dealt her, lest it cause her to waver from her land-tending duties.

The superficially plucky land girl who is probably Up To No Good, We’ll Wager.

And at least half a dozen more characters more interesting and well-rounded that you’d find in a great deal of post-watershed dramas. We’re happy to make that judgement call after seeing just one-and-a-half episodes, and recommend everyone visit the Land Girls iPlayer page to dip into it. Go on, do it now.

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The Top 100 Comedy Albums on Spotify: Part Four - The Grand Finale

At last.

 

Demetri Martin – These Are Jokes (2006)

One of the nicest finds on here.

“I find at most theme parks, the theme is: ‘wait in line, fatty’.”

“Every fight is a food fight, if you’re a cannibal.”

“A musical is the same as a burlap sack. I wouldn’t want to be in either.”

“I think vests are all about protection. A life vest protects you from drowning. A bullet-proof vest protects you from getting shot. A sweater vest protects you from pretty girls.”

It’s the deft verbal steering that really warms us to Demetri Martin’s act. On that last joke, 99.99% of American stand-ups would have said “gettin’ laid”, “pussy” or something similar. Martin goes with ‘pretty girls’, which is that extra bit funnier. Sure, it might not hit home as well with the drunk frat boy in a comedy club on a Saturday night demographic, but it’s better in every way. It shows he has thought about every last word in his act, instead of merely coming up with the idea for a joke, then getting there as quickly as possible so he can move onto the next one. A happy blend of Stephen Wright-type economy, and Jack Handley-esque absurdity. Marvellous. One more? One more.

“Swimming’s an odd sport. Sometimes you do it for fun, but sometimes you do it to not die. When I’m swimming, I sometimes forget which one it is. I have to check my outfit. Pants – uh oh. Bathing suit – okay. Naked – we’ll see.”

 

Bernard Cribbins – The Very Best Of (2004)

A collection of musical musings from the saving grace of Doctor Who: The Catherine Tate Era. There’s nothing too challenging, but everything here is jolly enough to hold your attention for a while, even if it’s only to play “identify the dodgiest double entendre”. If nothing else, check out “Right Said Fred”, the Telegoon singalong that inspired the name of a certain set of hairless 90s pop irritants.

Neil Innes – Re-Cycled Vinyl Blues (1995)

While this may not technically fit into the cubby-hole marked “comedy albums”, former Bonzo Dog Innes was a surrogate member of Monty Python, and an integral part of The Rutles, so we’re saying that’s reason enough. This is basically a fleshed out version of Innes’ 1973 solo debut album “How Sweet to Be an Idiot”, and that’s not even remotely a bad thing. Entertainingly, Michael Palin guests on the title track, and (as you might expect) it includes the majestic How Sweet To Be An Idiot. Indeed, an ‘idiot’ you would be to not give this download a spin.

Vivian Stanshall – Sir Henry At Rawlinson End (1978)

Speaking of former Bonzos, here’s Viv Stanshall cataloguing the goings on at Rawlinson End. Now, we’re probably going to get a three-week ban from the internet for saying this, but despite repeated attempts, we’ve never really ‘got’ this album. Sorry. Nonetheless, if you’re better at liking comedy than us, this is for you.

Lewis Black – Rules of Enragement (2003)

Here’s something more up our street, a shouty American who yells expletives frequently while pretending to get angry about stuff.

“The only people who buy penis enlargement pills must be so dumb, they’re feeding them to their penis.”

Dave Attell – Skanks For The Memories (2003)

“Do you think that was homophobic? I think that it was, ‘cos I hear that a lot. “Dave,” “What?” “You’re talking about being gay. You probably secretly are gay.” And I’m like, “listen, Voice In My Head, I’m not!””

Mel Smith and Griff-Rhys Jones – Smith & Jones Live (2003)

Another of our favourite Spoti-finds (clever wording, we know). This disc sees highlights of the duo’s One Night Stand live show, of which a different recording was available on VHS in the mid 1990s. Sadly, one of the best jokes from the live VHS is missing (“well, can you describe him?” “He’s a cunt!”), but that doesn’t mean the material making the compilation album is tame:

[In a sketch where Griff is worried that he’s contracted VD.]

Griff: “I’ve got this unsightly lump on the end of my cock.”

[Pause while the audience giggling dies down.]

Mel: “Well, that’s your body, isn’t it?”

[Huge reaction from audience.]

Mel: “Look, don’t worry about it. Just go down to the clinic, and… let them have a look at your ‘old man’.”

Griff [alarmed]: “I’m not takin’ ‘im with me! I wanna go on my own!”

Look, it’s all in the performance, okay? Meanwhile, as for that long-deleted live VHS show, YouTube shall provide. (Actually, that’ll make an excellent ‘holding update’ while we finish writing this, so you’ll have probably seen it by now. As a special bonus, you can measure the time between whenever it was we posted a link to the Smith & Jones Live video and now. That amount of time is how long it takes us to get things like this done! We’re rubbish!

Bob Newhart – Something Like This… The Bob Newhart Anthology (2007)

File under ‘quietly splendid’. Bob Newhart puts himself into the notional shoes of people in a number of different situations, giving each monologue that special Newhart spin, along with more traditional riffs on subjects such as ‘the difficulty people who happen to look like Adolf Hitler in using commercial airlines’. While much of the humour getting the live crowd going in these recordings is mainly down to 1960s-era shock value (i.e. mentioning toilets or making oblique references to sex), the remainder still has plenty to be said about the human condition.

“Look Johnny, sometimes daddies get ‘weekend colds’.” – Daddy Of All Hangovers.

Harry Shearer – Songs of the Bushmen (2008)

A more contemporary slice of excellence now, from the pen of Harry “Derek Smalls Monty Burns Ned Flanders Etc Etc” Shearer (and mouth, along with that of wife Judith Owen). This recording compiles his recordings from NPR’s Le Show, purporting to be a series of songs performed by members of the Bush administration. Great stuff.

Example lyrics: “gym buds,  the pres and me, / no gifts or taxes / could buy a gal such access / gym buds / but how soon I learned / mornings to me he'd respond / but by noon, he'd been neoconned”, from Gym Buds, a plaintive yet techno-tinged ditty from the perspective of Condoleezza Rice. Lyrics are contained on Shearer’s own website, coincidentally.

See also the Harry Shearer’s other collection of songs from Le Show (this time taking on a broader range of topics), Songs Pointed And Pointless (2007).

Emergency Broadcast Network – Telecommunication Breakdown (1995)

Now, you might well argue that this doesn’t belong in a list of comedy albums. For starters, it’s a techno album, rather than something with jokes on it, and for pudding, you don’t get the full impact of the album without the graphics-and-video-packed CD-ROM issued with the original (ah, remember when CD-ROMs were the big thing? It was what computer magazines in the mid-90s decided were going to be The Future, not jumped-up BBS The Inter-Net). Well, we’re saying the mesmerising fusion of cut-up samples from US news networks, movies, TV shows, thumping beats and deft lyricism are worthy of inclusion here, especially as BrokenTV is meant to be about telly. So there.

If you do get a chance to see the videos from this (they’re all on YouTube. Look, here’s one), do so. If nothing else, they help to highlight how shit-scary it must have been for tiny children to tune into tests of the Emergency Broadcast System itself in the 1970s and 1980s. The eerie lo-fi graphics and chilling tone would have scared the living bejesus out of us, even more so if it was after the time we’d watched Threads at the foolishly young age of 11.

 

Tenacious D – Tenacious D (2001)

Yeah, yeah. So what if most people thought Tenacious D were brilliant for a month in 2001 before filing them at the back of their minds, until they saw the adverts for Pick Of Destiny, which they then didn’t watch because it was pish? After giving it a rest of several years, this album is still enjoyable even now. Plus, lest we forget, the ace video for Fuck Her Gently was directed by John Kricfalusi, so there’s another plus point.

 

Arthur Askey – The Best Of: The Bee Song (2008)

Ah, that seldom-used segue from “Fuck Her Gently” to “Arthur Askey”. It’s one of the hardest links in the world of competitive blogging, and it’s safe to say we haven’t quite pulled it off. Still, at least we haven’t tried to mine the limited comedy potential of Askey’s song about a young girl begging soldiers to bring her a banana back from the continent during wartime. It’s called “I Want A Banana”. ANYWAY, here's Arthur Askey. We can't help but wonder what the listening figures for this are, given the limited correlation between the "those who embrace bleeding-edge online technology" and "people who like Arthur Askey" demographics. A bit like the way Last Of The Summer Wine is recorded and broadcast in HD, even though most of its fanbase haven't even got around to buying a widescreen telly yet.

 

Rolf Harris – The Best of Rolf Harris (2003)

Perennial target of mean-spirited shitbag stand-ups, Rolf Harris is, of course, utterly splendid. If you’re going to claim Rolf is crap, can you honestly say that (a) you didn’t love Rolf’s Cartoon Club, or that (b) if he was your uncle, you wouldn’t think he was absolutely fantastic bloody  fun? This album includes Rolf’s cover version of Stairway To Heaven, which we’re saying is immeasurably superior to the original, by way of not even infuriatingly po-faced. It made the top ten singles chart in 1993, for flip’s sake, and not everyone who bought it was an achingly ironic student, surely?

 

Maria Bamford – The Burning Bridges Tour (2005) | How To Win! (2007) | Unwanted Thoughts Syndrome (2009)

A lady comedian, and not just a lady comedian we’ve included as last-ditch attempt to avoid being called misogynistic. Hey, it’s not our fault Sarah Silverman isn’t on Spotify yet. Best known to us as Alarming Home Shopping Presenter from Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!, Maria Bamford hasn’t really popped up on our comedy radar in her capacity as a stand-up comedian until now, but she seems rather good. We’ll check out her work more thoroughly when we’ve finished Trying To Listen To About 200 Comedy Albums Within A Few Weeks To Work Out Which Ones Are The Best. Honestly, it could’ve been the thirteenth task of Hercules. Yes, we do want a sodding medal, actually.

“I was in a lot of plays. We had a weird drama teacher in that he was incredibly enthusiastic about a high school drama program and would talk to all the kids for hours. He ended up marrying one of the kids, but that's neither here nor there.”

 

Jonathan Miller, Dudley Moore, Peter Cook, Alan Bennett – The Complete Beyond The Fringe (1989)

“I could’ve been a judge, but I never ‘ad the Latin.” And so on, in this three disc monster. Rigorous, but hugely worthwhile.

 The Goons – The Goons Vol. Two (2001)

“Withhold your two-octave conk punch, while I unfold the tale of a certain story.”

From as far back as 1954, here’s another three splendid episodes of The Go On Show.

Red Bladder: “OK, and don't forget to put the cat out, he's a British spy.”
Bluebottle: “You rotten swine, you give me away now. My disguise was perfect until you said that.”

Notable mention: Unchained Melodies – The Complete Recordings 1955-1978, a collection of songs by The Goons.

Various – The Greatest Comedy of All Time (2007)

Taking in the likes of George Burns, Gracie Allen, The Marx Brothers, W.C. Fields, Jimmy Durante, Bob Hope, Jack Benny, Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis, Lucille Ball, Red Skelton, this huge two-disc compilation is your one-stop low-quality radio recording destination for enjoyable elderly American comedy.

Lenny Bruce – The Lenny Bruce Originals (1991)

A handy guide to one of the most important comedians of the 20th century, even if he wasn’t necessarily that funny to our ears. To be fair, if it wasn’t for Lenny Bruce, Lord Bob Monkhouse wouldn’t have used the word ‘cunt’ in the first chapter of his “Over The Limit” autobiography, which certainly surprised us. He also mentions Mortal Kombat later on in the same book. Bob Monkhouse was brilliant, but as his work sadly isn’t on Spotify, this is probably the only excuse we’ll get to mention him.

 

Dov Davidoff – The Point Is (2008)

”I don’t get why frustrated drunk guys in bars would want to beat up a gay guy. If you’re having trouble getting laid, take on the enemy – beat up a good looking straight guy.”

 

Russell Brand – The Best Of What’s Legal (2009)

Oh dear. We won’t be able to get through the synopsis of this compilation (of prime cuts from Brand’s BBC Radio shows) without mentioning a certain cast member of Dead Ernest. We’d better restrict ourselves to saying how it’s a shame that this seems to be the only BBC Radio show compilation currently on Spotify, which will be because Brand’s show was produced by his own production company, who’ll have given permission for it to be on Spotify. Fingers crossed for the BBC Radio Collection appearing soon, mainly so we can hear staggeringly great The Mark Radcliffe Show (Graveyard Shift Years) ‘Best Of’ on there. Seriously, that’s the sort of thing which should really be on BBC7.

 

 Marc Maron – Tickets Still Available (2006)

Another chance to enjoy the work of Marc Maron, as mentioned a couple of times before now. Ignore the badly drawn cover picture (this is where someone posts a comment saying it was scribbled by a quadriplegic war hero, making us feel like twats), and dip into the above-par meanderings within.

“You ever hated yourself so much, you had to take a nap?”

 

Daniel Tosh – True Stories I Made Up (2005)

“I love the internet, because now we have rappers that used to be gangsters and thugs telling us not to download music, because it’s stealing.”

Christian Finnegan – Two For Flinching (2006)

“I used to work in an office which had a condom machine in the bathroom. Now, let me tell you, I’ve had some pretty good days at work, but not so good I’ve had to call on Trojan Man at the end of the day. That’s got to be one impressive Excel spreadsheet you’ve put together, for there to be pussy at the end of that rainbow. “Your choice of font gets me so hot. Was that Helvetica Bold?” Come on, nerds, where are you going to hear a better font joke than that? San-serif, motherfuckers!”

Jokes about Microsoft Excel and Helvetica Bold? Brilliant!

Tom Lehrer – In Concert (1960)

We’ll round things off with US comedy colossus Tom Lehrer. Hey, this disc is from 1960, so it’s all going to be then-topical riffs on bubblegum and malt bars, isn’t it? Well: no. While Lehrer was a respected Harvard mathematics professor with a penchant for performing wry ditties whilst sat at a piano, the subject matter of his songs could rival Stephen “Baby Bird” Jones at his darkest (yes, Baby Bird, listen to the lo-fi albums, tsk). For example, “I Hold Your Hand In Mine” is a love song, performed by a man kissing the severed hand of his long-dead lover. “The Irish Ballad” is about a young girl from the Emerald Isle who murders the other members of her family. Meanwhile, the song “Oedipus Rex” is about… well, you guess.

He didn’t just perform material that could just as easily be the result of Richard Stilgoe teaming up with Cannibal Corpse, he later became pianist-in-residence for the short-lived NBC version of That Was The Week That Was (and indeed, was featured in the great Billy Crystal-fronted PBS/TLC/BBC Wales documentary Make ‘Em Laugh on this history of US comedy, performing a brilliant wordplay-heavy song defending the use of smut in comedy), but his material makes for a refreshingly acerbic antidote to the clean-cut fare from many other comics of his age. He also pops up in compilation Hey Mr Producer!: The Musical World of Cameron Mackintosh, singing a lovely tune called “Poisoning Pigeons In The Park”.

 

And, with talk of Harvard tunesmiths pumping pigeons full of toxins on municipal land, that’s it. The end of the list. A quick count reveals that our Top 100 has actually linked to a total of 114 comedy albums, so if you dislike fewer than fourteen of them, the original boast is still accurate. Here’s a Spotify playlist link to the whole lot of them, with the link also including a couple of dozen other albums we’ve not mentioned, either because we’d felt we’d already covered the artist in question, they didn’t quite fit in with what we’re doing here, or that they were a bit rubbish.

Finally, a quick word of oh-they’ll-probably-never-read-this-anyway thanks to both Graham Linehan and Spotify itself, for both mentioning our list in their Twitter feeds, which made The BrokenTV Gang feel like they were running a proper website for a bit. Hopefully, if the iPhone app and eventual North America launch make Spotify even more popular, we’ll see more comedy acts added to their roster (fingers crossed for the BBC Radio Collection), we’ll be able to compile a Top 100 Comedy Albums On Spotify That We Haven’t Mentioned Yet at some point in the future. Until then, stay classy Spotiverse.

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What The Papers Don’t Say

What with it being, well, easier than reporting any actual news, much of the press are complaining about the BBC. Again.

The latest excuse for complaining about Auntie is that diminutive digger James Murdoch has been complaining about the fact the BBC gets money from everyone, which they then use to make actual programmes. Clearly, he’d much rather it’s all given to Sky, where you can see the half dozen US imports Sky One have blown all of their programming budget on.

Naturally, all of this is lapped up by the hacks in certain quarters of Fleet Street (mainly the parts that like to frequently use the words ‘political’, ‘correctness’ and ‘mad’ in the same sentence), meaning the non-story is getting more attention that it really deserves. After all, it’s not as if Pa Murdoch hasn’t spent much of the last few decades complaining about the same thing.

After all, come on! We have to pay a fortune for the BBC each year. Well, unless you’re over 75, in which case it’s free, or don’t own a TV (a prospect more likely than you might imagine, given the wealth of content pumped out of the ‘web instead), in which case you’re still legally permitted to listen to BBC Radio and use the non-iPlayery parts of bbc.co.uk. But still, £139.50 a year? That’s loads! Frigging hell!

But, how much of a bargain is the BBC, especially when compared to other forms of media? We’re going to take a quick look. Will we be able to do so without going “waaah, stealth tax! Stealth tax!” in a high pitched tone? We shall see.

We’ve taken a look at the annual prices for Sky’s pay TV offering, currently run by one James Murdoch, but also looked at the costs involved in buying a daily newspaper over the course of a year (260 weekday editions, 52 Saturday editions and 52 Sunday editions, no papers on Christmas Day, of course). Here are the prices we’ve used for our calculations:

We’ve taken the most recent list of UK newspaper prices we could find (from January this year, so they might be a little out of date – we’re willing to update the figures accordingly if someone can point at a more up-to-date list). We’ve also taken into account three different SkyTV packages (basic, family, and full-monty Sports, Movies and HD packs). This results in the following chart:

So, a full Sky package will cost you nearly £700 per year, and that’s not taking into account the forthcoming price rises. Even the most basic of Sky packages (Sky1, Sky2, Living, Gold, Watch, Comedy Central, SciFi, Challenge, FX, DMax, Movies 24, and E!, if you’re not including channels that are free on Freeview, timeshifted channels or channels designed purely to lure you into gambling), will cost you £82.50 more than the BBC. Were you to tot up the total hours of original, homegrown programming put out by the channels of either package over twelve months, the Beeb would be streets ahead. Meanwhile, a full Sky package, including HD channels at £10/month, will cost you 4.95 times the price of the licence fee. And that’s if you don’t take ESPN. For the record, were you to add ESPN to your channel mix in order to watch all live televised Premier League football matches, it’d be £786 per annum, 5.63 times the licence fee. Oh, it’s worth pointing out that the price of BBC HD is included in the licence fee.

As for the papers (and note we’ve included the liberal press as well, for the sake of completeness), only The Daily Star works out as being more reasonably priced than the BBC. And be honest, you’d have to really like tits and racism to think a years worth of the Daily Star is preferable to a year of having the Beeb.

So, in summary, the BBC is a genuine bargain (seriously, we’d happily pay £139.50 per year for BBC Four alone. We’ll even forgive it for BBC Three), and to our mind, nearly as great a British institution as the NHS. So, the press, what do you have to say about that?

“Waah, they’re not spending enough of the taxpayer’s money.”

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