Which Premier League Team Is The Most Followed On Twitter? The Answer Won't Surprise You (But Other Bits Of This List Containing Every Team In Britain And Ireland Might.) (A Bit.)

Twitter, eh? It’s a funny old game, what with so many people taking it way too seriously, to an extent that bursts of pure unfettered vitriol and occasional violence can ensue. While it may have been founded with purely Corinthian ideals at the core, it ultimately became a gentleman’s game adopted by too many ruffians for any unabashed enjoyment. Those becapped early days aren’t coming back. Especially not now there’s money in it.

And yet, despite all the droning, the dimwittery and the dickishness, enough of that core remains to keep us coming back for more. It’s often not pretty, participants often spend too long rolling around the dirt in fictional anguish, but there are always those wonderful characters who drag it from the mudbath, wipe away the drek and in doing so bring a cheer to our heart and a spring to our step. When your side wins, it’s wonderful. And when your side doesn’t win, there’ll be another battle along in a few days. And that’s what keeps us coming back. Even though Piers Morgan seems determined to ruin it for everyone. 

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So, Which Is The Most Beloved Premier League Manager?

Hello, everyone. Some proper updates soon, promise. About telly and everything.

For now though, with the end of the football season approaching, who is the most beloved Premier League football manager? And who is the most beloathed? We’ve done fifteen minutes of Google searches so YOU don’t have to.

There may be other Mark Hugheses and Alex Neils out there, of course. But you can’t argue with cold hard data.

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Football News Summed Up Via Doctored Videogame Screenshots: 1. The Hicks and Gillett Damages Claim

Number one in a series of one.

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Coming Soon for iPhone

Yeah, we know. But we loaded Photoshop and everything, so it’s a shame not to use it.

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Ten People Who Would Make Better Hosts Of Match Of The Day 2 Than Tim Lovejoy

Given this entertaining blog post, the Guardian certainly seem worried enough about the prospect of Tim Lovejoy taking over the soon-to-be-vacant presenter’s chair on Match Of The Day 2. And yet, we really can imagine it happening. “Well, he does test well with the under-24s”, we can envision a clueless BBC commissioning editor uttering in Meeting Room C, “and he really does encapsulate the fun element that we’re trying to convey with our Sunday night highlights show.” A bit far-fetched? Don’t forget, we’re only in this situation because BBC1 controller Jay Hunt had a bright idea along the lines of “well, The One Show is doing very well in the ratings, but we need Chris Evans on Fridays to try and bring in some of the magic that made ITV1’s OFI Sunday such a huge success back in 2005. Er, it was a success, wasn’t it?”

So, would bringing in Tim Lovejoy be a good idea? A man that someone who’d been in a coma since 1994 might fleetingly think is ‘pretty cool’, right until the point where he starts talking? A man who prides himself on his achingly cutting-edge taste in hip new music stretching all the way from Kasabian, to The Cribs, to anyone else willing to pretend they’re mates with him on a televised sofa? The person who presented an edition of Sky One’s “Tim Lovejoy And The Allstars” whilst wearing a Ramones T-shirt, but when challenged by guest Martin Freeman to name two albums by the band, could only meekly murmur “er… the Best of The Ramones?”

No, then. So here, just in case anyone from BBC Sport is passing by, we present our list of TEN PEOPLE BETTER SUITED TO HOSTING MATCH OF THE DAY 2 THAN TIM LOVEJOY.

1, Bob Wilson, anchorman.

2. Re-edited archive footage of David Coleman.

3. Mark “Lawro” Lawrenson in a sparkly jacket and spinning bow tie, having just been handed a copy of that forwarded email containing a load of old Tim Vine jokes incorrectly attributed to the late Tommy Cooper, even though one of the jokes is about a film that wasn’t even made until about eleven years after Cooper died.

4. North Korean dictator, Chairman of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea’s National Defense Commission, General Secretary of the Workers' Party of Korea, the and the Supreme Commander of the Korean People's Army, Kim Jong-il, who we’re guessing knows slightly more about British football pre-1992 than Tim Lovejoy does.

5. A big threatening wasp that hovers no further than six inches away from the perturbed faces of Lee Dixon and Martin Keown each and every time they try to dissect a controversial offside decision.

6. The cartoon pig from the covers of Now That’s What I Call Music volumes Three, Four and Five. Despite not having been seen in public since 1985, retains a greater amount of credibility than the man who left Sky Sports to host Channel Five’s David Beckham’s Soccer USA.

7. A sixty-seven-year-old belligerent, drunk rugby union fan from Llanelli, who openly detests football with every last fibre of his very being, who insists on referring to the sport as ‘kick-ball’, the footballers as ‘them overpaid ponces’, and who insists on restricting any post-match analysis to the slow motion replays of tricky midfielders ‘going to ground easily’ that he deems the most overtly homosexual.

8. A spider.

9. The terrifying, slobbering, rasping shrieks of a man who, due to an ill-advised day trip to World O’ Rollercoasters by his eight-months pregnant mother in 1967, was born with an inside out face. Simulcast on BBC HD.

10. George Lamb.

 

Okay, okay, that last one was a comically unrealistic choice thrown in for shock value, designed to underline what a hugely unsuitable choice Lovejoy would be for the gig. In any event, the BBC should think carefully about who replaces the affable tobyjug face of Adrian Chiles on the Sunday night highlights show  we always manage to miss the first twenty sodding minutes of. The intelligent choice would be clearly be James Richardson, best known from Channel Four’s Football Italia, Setanta and the Guardian’s Football Weekly. The ooh-wouldn’t-it-be-good, pity-it-won’t-happen choice would be Sir Jeff Stelling.

Both of those would be great, perfect, even, and that’s why they probably won’t happen. You never get what you want in life, that’s why each new episode of Doctor Who will be between 20% and 50% more disappointing than you hope it’ll be, and why each haircut we get never quite makes us look as attractive in the mirror as we are in our heads.

That’s why we’d be happy to see the gig go to former Sky Sports News presenter, occasional Guardian Football Weekly stand-in and former host of 1990s BBC daytime game show Turnabout, Rob Curling. Why? Why not. He’s affable enough, he has the ability to be gently self-effacing when required, won’t make the mistake of assuming his opinion on events is why the viewers have tuned in – though that’s not necessarily a bad thing, it’s why BBC Sport employs pundits, and hey, he’d certainly be as good as anyone else. Just as long as it’s not Tim Lovejoy.

Or Colin Murray.

 

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With Pictures From the ATV Region: Picture Special

We’re back, after spending most of the weekend so far laid up in bed with a fever. We spent a couple of hours on Friday afternoon lying on the sofa watching Margaret, the BBC Two dramatisation of Margaret Thatcher’s final days as PM, before going to bed feeling utterly knackered. As a result, we then spent (what felt like) the next four hours desperately trying to get to sleep, but being unable to because we were convinced the 1922 Committee were using our brain as a conduit for all of their discourse on the 1990 Conservative Leadership Election. The whole experience is what squares like us imagine trying LSD is like. Just say no, kids.

(Mini-review of Margaret: surprisingly enthralling. Part of the fun was in working out which member of the Tory government was being portrayed by each actor. Most of them were obvious, like Philip Jackson as Bernard Ingham, or John Sessions as an uncannily accurate Geoffrey Howe, but we spent ages thinking the actor who looks a bit like Joe Cornish was meant to be Norman Fowler, only to kick ourselves when he was identified as John Selwyn Gummer. We did have a few minor gripes: every time the action flashed between 1990 Thatch and 1970s Thatch, it was telegraphed quite blatantly by using the same ‘flashback/forward’ sound effect as Lost, which seemed a bit out of place. Mostly though, Lindsay Duncan is clearly too attractive to be playing Mrs Thatch. Every time she started getting angry and shouty at her dithering minions, it was almost sexy, dammit. We should be rather glad our fever-addled brain didn’t take us down that particular avenue, actually.)

BUT ANYWAY.

Our favourite set of repeats currently lurking on the wastelands of digital TV is still The Big Match Revisited on ITV4. They’re a perpetual reminder that Old Football is in many ways a lot more interesting than New Football. Not necessarily ‘better’, what with racist abuse from crowds being commonplace, or thuggery outranking actual skill on the pitch and all, but certainly interesting. Time for a great big picture special backing up this claim.

(Sidenote: If it’s a proper look at The Big Match you’re looking for, we recommend Off The Telly’s review here. We also demand that everyone check out Steve Williams’ magnificently detailed look at the history of football on television, also on OTT, here.)

1. Each ITV region getting their own highlights show (save for a few who had to share theirs with neighbouring regions). Splendidly, The Big Match Revisited on ITV4 takes occasional advantage of this, meaning we sometimes get to see offerings from Granada or Anglia and the like, as opposed to the more regular LWT’s The Big Match. Sadly, they don’t wander the regions as often as we’d like, but at least the thought is there. Given most weeks seem to involve the same few matches culled from sister networks, it’s likely most programmes featured the same actual matches in different running orders.

This is mainly A Good Thing because it harks back to an era when the UK still had proper regional television. This still happens in other countries – France and Germany have several local stations for each region, whereas in Britain there’s almost nothing aside from BBC One in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland (unless you count the odd half-hour grudgingly tossed out by ITV, which generally seem to be clip show of old local programming). Hopefully, with the BBC having the live rights to the Football League from next season, we may soon see a return to regionally based football action.

2. Team photos before kick-off for ordinary league matches. Well, one day there might be a genuine need for such a record of these very events. People in the year 2012 might scoff at the idea of Manchester City and Chelsea being a relegation six-pointer. This proves it really did happen.

3. Matches played in poor weather conditions. With an orange ball. Nowadays, despite the Premier League rules dictating day-glo yellow footballs are to be used in the winter months, you never get to see sights like this, and that’s wrong. Football is immeasurably more exciting when there’s a chance Ronaldo will try and do a series of fancy stepovers, slip in the snow, and land on his arse. Plus, Steven Gerrard would have an excuse for falling over the second he runs into the 18 yard box.

4. Pitchside hoardings for companies that don’t exist any more. We had hoped Williams & Glyn’s Bank was a small local bank owned by a bloke called William and a chap called Glyn, but sadly it was a bank with hundreds of branches throughout the country. It is now part of RBS.

4a. Pitchside hoardings for really specific things. Read this particular column in the Evening Chronicle. Don’t bother with the rest of the paper, just read that one column. Pay for the entire paper, obviously, but only read that one specific part of it.

5. Matches played in really poor weather conditions. Also, Tiklas Anoraks! Now that’s advertising.

6. Post-match interviews conducted nowhere near a sponsor’s logo. A background comprising of a dozen different sponsor logos? You 21st century ponces. Real men conduct their post-match interviews at the back of the terraces, in front of some rusty girders and corrugated iron.

7. Proper anchormen (1). So many good things here. Firstly, the great Brian Moore on presentation duties. Secondly, a rotary-dial telephone on the desk, ready for a potential “what am I supposed to tell the Panorama viewers" moment. Thirdly, a back-up microphone jammed into the desk in case the radio mic fails, even though it looks a little bit like a hand grenade. Lastly, the reading out of viewers’ letters, including the names and full addresses of each lucky viewer. The Daily Mail would have a field day if such practices were commonplace nowadays.

Also, just why is it we consistently manage to take screen captures when the person on-screen is in mid-blink? It looks really disturbing, and would be impossible to do on purpose.

See?

7a. Proper anchormen (2). The mighty Gerald Sinstadt, in quite possibly the world’s worst cardigan. Thing of note: no CGI spinning club crests in the background that only serve to be distracting and annoying (take note, Setanta), but bits of card stuck onto the set.

8. Managers with umbrellas. More of this sort of thing, please.

9. Not even remotely recent highlights. Has once of the worst winters on record had a huge impact on the amount of matches being played? Well, you could show highlights from the midweek games, if there were any. Maybe even a classic match from earlier in the season, like Manchester United 3, West Bromwich Albion 5 from a couple of months previous. Or how about a match from the previous summer’s World Cup? Too easy. Showing highlights of a match from two and a half years ago, featuring none of the home nations, namely the 1976 European Championships final, that’s the way to go. Good match, to be fair, with the tournament itself marked as a classic purely because Wales made it all the way to the last eight.

9a. Highlights of matches filmed in colour? Pah! Sadly, no comments from Tom Webster. Missed a trick there, LWT.

10. Dipping into coverage from foreign broadcasters. Not, you’ll understand, because the match in question is especially important or exciting, but because something a bit funny happens. An amusing goal celebration, perhaps, or a British manager in charge of a Dutch team trying (and failing quite magnificently, it has to be said) to distract his opposite number by blowing into one of those unfurling whistle party blower things we can’t remember the proper name of.

 

So, that’s the end of this picture-based update. We feel we should end on a single picture that encapsulates everything that is great about The Big Match Revisited. And here it is:

Why this picture is great:

* Despite the programme only being broadcast in London, the match being covered is Morton vs Partick Thistle.

* The inelegant caption announcing the match in question. It does the job, and doesn’t need to use a typeface keeping in with the house style of the channel it is being broadcast on. Good.

* A tiny smattering of fans on the terrace in the background. One of them seems to be wearing a tartan bobble hat.

* A line-up of AC Invacars along the goal-line, in a similar fashion to the minis which used to be parked in the corner at Stamford Bridge. We’d really like to know how often the ball rolled under one of them, and how long it would generally take an unfortunate ball-boy to retrieve it. Oh, and how many windscreens got smashed by desperate clearances over the course of each season.

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The Inevitably Disappointing Sequel To Really Popular Update Awards 1980

Given that our posting about Panini's Football '80 Sticker Album has proved surprisingly popular, attracting the attention of several popular internet forums (and just the one stupid racist prick - way to debunk that assumption that Everton fans are likely to be bigots, 'MarkEFC'*), here's a not-as-good follow up. Hey, the Football '80 sticker album is not the comedy goldmine you might expect it is.

(*And, just in case he subsequently edits that post, proof in .gif form.)

EARL HICKEY AWARD FOR SERVICES TO POSING WHEN A PHOTOGRAPH IS BEING TAKEN OF YOU

Joint winners: Mike Lyons (Everton) and Donato Nardiello (Coventry City)

Maybe they're both re-enacting the title sequence to Imagine..., twenty-two years before Alan Yentob thought of it.

THE SEE YOU NEXT WEDNESDAY AWARD FOR LOOKING UNCANNILY LIKE THE MALE LEAD OF A SPUFF FLICK: Brian Roberts (Coventry City)

Ooh, bad luck Yorath. Maybe next year. Providing we find an almost-complete copy of Football '81 at the next car boot sale we visit, and it's on sale for less than £2.

DAVID WALLIAMS AWARD FOR LOOKING A BIT LIKE DAVID WALLIAMS IN A SKETCH FROM THE NEXT SERIES OF LITTLE BRITAIN: Ally Donaldson (Dundee)

The character's catchphrase would be... actually, it doesn't matter what the character's catchphrase would be, only that by it's third outing you'd be sick of it and would just wish they'd get on with doing proper jokes, like when they were Mash and Peas. If the last series of Little Britain is any indication, he'd probably just take a shit against the goalpost each week, and subsequently be lauded for being "refreshingly politically incorrect" by fuckwits.

THE BORIS JOHNSON/MICKY DOLENZ AWARD FOR LOOKING LIKE YOU'RE STARING IMCOMPREHENSIVELY AT AN AUTOCUE WHILST LOOKING A LITTLE BIT LIKE MICKY DOLENZ FROM THE MONKEES: Shaun Elliott (Sunderland)

Maybe the photographer has written "Shaun Elliott's mum is a..." and then something moderately illegible on a little sticker above the lens of his camera, in order to attract the attention of the easily-distracted Eilliott. In which case, it hasn't quite worked. This was the best shot he got of him all afternoon.

THE RICHARD WILSON IN THAT EPISODE OF SOME MOTHER'S DO 'AVE 'EM AWARD FOR BEING UNABLE TO KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE, THEREBY CAUSING SLIGHTLY MORE AMUSEMENT FOR THE VIEWER: Keith Hicks (Oldham Athletic)

Maybe he's reading the message about Shaun Elliott's mum.

THE INAUGURAL JIMMY BONE AWARD FOR RESTORING HOPE TO ALL SLIGHTLY UNFIT AND OVERWEIGHT MEN ON THE WRONG SIDE OF 30 THAT MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, WITH THE RIGHT SCOUT TURNING UP TO THE RIGHT PUB LEAGUE MATCH, THEY COULD STILL MAKE IT INTO PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL, BUT ONLY IF IT WAS STILL 1980: Jimmy Bone (St. Mirren)

This very logic was applied to the world of cinema in 1996, you know.

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The New Season Starts Here*

(*Or started yesterday, and not really 'here' at all.)

But never mind all that. We've bought an almost complete copy of Panini's Football '80 sticker album from a car boot sale. So, what better time to fire up our scanner and prepare a list of

THE TOP TEN FOOTBALLERS FROM 1980 WHO ARE SURELY A LOT OLDER THAN THEY ARE CLAIMING TO BE

10. David Armstrong (Middlesbrough)

Age: 25. When exactly was it that footballers - and indeed, all men - who are going bald in their twenties moved away from "quick, grow as much hair as possible in the non-bald spots, while I still can" to "cut the rest of it as short as possible, as that actually looks a lot better"? We're guessing... ooh, 1991?

9. Malcolm Poskett (Brighton and Hove Albion)

Age: 24. Twenty-four? At that age, you're experimenting with stupidly trendy hairstyles just because it's your last realistic change to get away with a bleached shark-fin without looking daft. Not thinking "hmm. I'm going a bit bald. I know, I'll comb my hair with a side parting in a place which makes my male pattern baldness as visible as possible".

8. Mick McGuire (Norwich City)

Age: 26. Perhaps there has been a mix-up here, and a passing geography teacher in a replica shirt had his photo taken instead.

7. Brendan O'Callaghan (Stoke City)

Age: 24. He looks like the dad from the Oxo family in an unconvincing wig, for flip's sake!

6. Mick Ferguson (Coventry City)

Age: 25. Twenty-five? That beard looks like it took at least fifteen years of grooming. We didn't even think it would be possible to have that much hair sprouting from the entire circumferance of your head.

5. Paul Clarke (Brighton and Hove Albion)

Age: 20. Twenty! Not only does he sport mutton chops that would put Amos Brierly to shame, but he wears the weary expression of a man who has seen everything the world has to offer in his time, and he's tired of it all. Not someone who has only been legally entitled to do things with girls for a few years.

4. Tommy Hutchison (Coventry City)

Age: 32. Maybe the real Tommy Hutchison had sloped off to the bookies, and had got the groundsman to cover for him.

BRONZE: Gerry Gow (Bristol City)

Age: 27. Are those highlights in his hair, or just grey hairs? And even for 1980, surely to only people who still had handlebar moustaches by that point were ex-Spitfire pilots?

SILVER: Mick Mills (Ipswich Town)

Age: 30. Thirty! He could have two kids older than thirty at the time this photo was taken, by the looks of him. Providing his ageing process hadn't accelerated wildly in the previous eight years, we bet he had to take two forms of ID with him every time he turned up for England Under-23 duty.

GOLD: Peter Noble (Burnley)

Good god. There are no words. Sadly, the player photos for League Division Two don't carry the players' ages, but unless the words "remarkably still playing professionally at the age of 53" were going to be applied to this photo, we have our winner.


However, because of the quite bewildering quantity of hirsute sportsmen from the era, we've had more trouble compiling a list of

THE TOP TWO FOOTBALLERS FROM 1980 WHO ARE SURELY A LOT YOUNGER THAN THEY ARE CLAIMING TO BE

Silver: Alan Hansen (Liverpool)

Twenty-four? He looks a lot more like he has bunked off from school, and is now trying to sneak his way onto the team photo. That would explain why he looks a little apprehensive when asked forward for his solo portrait. Go on, check his pockets for Hubba Bubba.

Gold: Adrian Heath (Stoke City)

More famously known for his time at Everton, it's fair to say that he never really looked his age. Bet he had a hell of a time getting served in pubs. Regardless, the footballer known as 'Inchey' (which might not have an 'e' in it, Wikipedia doesn't know) looks about twelve years old here.


Here are some other spurious awards:

BEST COVER UP FOR A MANAGER WHO CLEARLY DIDN'T TURN UP FOR THE PHOTO SESSION: Brian Clough (Nottingham Forest)

Cloughie was clearly away from the City Ground on the morning all the photos were taken, probably appearing in the prime centre square on a recording of Celebrity Squares. Subsequently, the first shot the Panini work experience lad could find in their press archive was used. Where could Cloughie be here? Giving an interview to the press? On punditry duty for an England qualifying match? In a photo booth? And is he speaking, yawning, or left open mouthed at a witty retort from Zsa Zsa Gabor, because he was actually appearing on the Russell Harty Show when this photo was taken? We may never know.

BEST FACIAL EXPRESSION THAT MIRRORS A PANEL FROM A 1950s EDITION OF ACTION COMICS: Sandy Jardine (Rangers)

"Grr. How dare Lex Luther grab Lois like that, just when I'm unable to change into Superman. I must think of a way to get out of this photo shoot."

BEST KIT: Wrexham

Being right in the middle of their five year stint in the second tier, 1980 saw Wrexham wearing a brilliant Adidas outfit very similar to the Wales shirt of the time, replete with the classic trefoil. You can't go wrong with a classy red with white trim like this. Why can't football shirts be anywhere near as good these days? Aberdeen came close to taking the award, but on their outfit the three stripes were on the collars as opposed to the shoulders, which is all wrong.

BEST ATTEMPT AT MAKING THE MOST OF HAVING THEIR PHOTO TAKEN BY THE PHOTOGRAPHER'S IDIOT ASSISTANT: Billy Gilbert (Crystal Palace)

"No, Jimmy. You need to use a light meter for a very good reason. Can you see what you've done wrong here? Now, ask Mister Gilbert to come back, and I'll take his photo this time. What's that? He's gone home? Tsk. We'll have to make do with this one."

HARDEST LOOKING GINGE: Lindsay Smith (Cambridge United)

We certainly don't fancy telling him he might be overcompensating for having a girl's name.

GREATEST AMOUNT OF HAIR LOST BETWEEN THEN AND NOW: Steve Coppell (Manchester United)

Aside from the hair, he doesn't look that different now. The fact-box makes mention of his degree from Liverpool University, which according to Wikipedia, is in economic history, so fair dues. Are there any current top-level footballers with a degree? We can't think of any, and unless the John Moores begins to offer a course in looking miserable in post-match interviews even though you've just won four-nil in a Champions League quarter-final, that situation isn't likely to improve soon.

MOST PLEASED TO BE HAVING HIS PHOTO TAKEN:

Bronze: Michael Robinson (Man City)

Then going by the name 'Mick', we bet the future Liverpool striker's mum was so pleased with this photo, it's still on her mantlepiece now. Fun fact: Everyone knows Robinson went on to become a television presenter in Spain, but did you know he's actually so famous over there his latex visage was chosen to front the Spanish version of Spitting Image?

Silver: Mickey Thomas

The man, the legend. He could have bothered combing his hair first, though.

Gold: Barry Silkman (Manchester City)

This is quite possibly the most pleased we've even seen anyone get about anything, ever.

LEAST PLEASED TO BE HAVING HIS PHOTO TAKEN: Kenny Burns (Nottingham Forest)

At the other end of the scale, this is almost upsetting. We could genuinely believe he had just seen his grandmother, holding his pet dog, being crushed beneath the remorseless metal wheels of a steamroller, which is being driven by the kid who used to bully him at school, who is running away with his wife. And then being told, no, he can't have the day off work, because it's photo day.

LONGEST NECK: Roger Palmer (Manchester City)

Cripes. He makes Plug from the Bash Street Kids look like Sandi Toksvig.

MOST SURPRISED TO BE HAVING HIS PHOTO TAKEN: Ray Wilkins (Manchester United)

"My god, where did you spring from?"

MOST ILL-CONSIDERED MOUSTACHE BY A WELL-REMEMBERED BRITISH INTERNATIONAL MIDFIELDER

Bronze: Bryan Robson (West Bromwich Albion)

Yikes. If there's any consolation here, it is that there's still time to shave it off painlessly. If it weren't for the trademark Robbo lopsided smirk, you wouldn't know it's him. If he'd made the decision to keep the soup-strainer to this very day, we doubt he'd ever had got the gig advertising condos on Dubai television with Peter Reid, which you might have seen on a Saturday afternoon in Sky-circumventing pubs -

Peter Reid: "You bought two? I only bought one!"

Bryan Robson: "That's why I was captain!"

Look out Mitchell and Webb!

Silver: Terry Yorath (Tottenham Hotspur)

A porn moustache, offset with flowing golden locks that we're sure were a hit in the swinging 'night spots' of London at the turn of the decade. Politeness and a fear of litigation prevent us from wondering aloud just how many half-brothers and -sisters Gaby Logan is innocently unaware of, but well... y'know.

Gold: Glenn Hoddle (Tottenham Hotspur)

That's just wrong. If you keep that look, you'll never make up 50% of a chart-plundering pop combo. A Remington Micro Screen and a home perm kit, stat!

FOOTBALLER WHO MOST CLEARLY SEEMS TO HAVE MISSED OUT ON THEIR TRUE CALLING IN LIFE, AS AN AVUNCULAR TOBACCONIST: Arthur Duncan (Hibernian)

Say no more.

WORST HAIR DAY: Tony Higgins (Hibernian)

You're having your photo taken, man. At least this puts Mickey Thomas' unkempt barnet into some sort of perspective.


[Update] More of this kind of thing: here

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