A Thinly Disguised Excuse to Wax Lyrical About Supermarkets




But anyway.

Here's something we've noticed about supermarkets lately: occasionally, when you've laid your shopping onto the little conveyor belt, there's no spare 'next customer please' divider. The next shopper comes along, and proceeds to leave a gap of between twelve and eighteen inches between your shopping and theirs. Look, Lord Fucking Snooty, we might purchase groceries largely comprising of ready meals, yoghurt, wine and fizzy pop, but OUR SHOPPING DOESN'T HAVE FLEAS. There's no need for a sodding 'safety zone' between the two sets of groceries, and there's very little chance we're going to mistake your sodding organic muesli for our huge bag of Monster Munch, you massive pointless waste of skin. Honestly, it takes real effort not to beat some people senseless with the 'next customer please' divider once it's finally passed on to you.

Also, people who chuck supermarket baskets into the little depository stands, but either leave them with one of the handles covering the middle section of the basket, or even thrown onto the pile at an angle, either of which forcing the subsequent basket-shopper to bend down and position them correctly before being able to place their own empty basket in the stand, should be kneecapped by shotgun-toting cashiers. It may seem harsh, but quite frankly, it's the best way to maintain a polite society.

7 comments:

The Hitcher said...

Its usually an old couple who think they're middle class because they drive a Jaguar.

J said...

...and this is why the self checkout tills are a godsend. None of that social interaction malarky.

Well, until you are stuck behind someone who is using the machine for the first time and is trying to feed celery into the coin slot.

brig bother said...

That is an awesome advert. It's quite pleasing that they've kept certain bits of it for their ads thirty years later.

Anonymous said...

Why is there a huge erect penis in the book of that car, springing forth like a python when you open the door?

John Finnemore said...

But... but that's not why we do it, us miserable gap leavers! You've got us all wrong. It's not arrogance, it's exaggerated humility. We're saying that although we know we look like contemptible shysters, footpads and trick-turners, we're not, honest we're not, going to try to take advantage of the lack of divider to try and stick some of our shopping on your bill. Somehow. That would involve you not only paying for it without noticing, but us managing to scoop it out of your bags again afterwards, at which point we might just as well nick all your shopping and be done with it. And yet, that is what we, in our perpetual state of paranoid self-abasement, are trying to prove we're not going to do.


Also, if you drive a Jaguar you are middle class. Quite possibly upper.

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