BrokenTV's World Cup: Day Fourteen

  • 6/22/2006 05:22:00 pm
  • By Mark Gibbings-Jones
  • 2 Comments

From England-Sweden, just after Owen crawls off, delivered in a mocking tone over a shot of Theo Walcott: "That's England's other striker. He's got a provisional driving licence." So? Do you need an HGV licence before you can play international football or something?
ITV - 1 point

From same: "That was an agricultural clearance from Campbell." Who needs Big Ron? Speaking of whom, we'd noticed a story in the Daily Mirror, claiming that racism's Big Ron had been reduced to filing match reports on his website, as no one else wanted him, and at the time of going to press it had only recieved 37 visits. Well, no - he has been co-commentating on UKG2. To a total viewing audience of... 36 people. (©2006 J Carr Blindingly Obvious Jokes plc.)
ITV + 2 points

ITV's post-match interviewer not shouting "you're on television, man! For Christ's sake, bother to take your other stupid sodding iPod earphone out when I'm talking to you, you self-obsessed twerp!" at Rio Ferdinand.
ITV - 1 point

ITV claiming that they've had 'lots of emails' asking about their theme tune, performed by 'British band Kasabian'. Only asking why it's so shit, surely? Then imploring viewers to text in to a number, where they'll be told how to get hold of said weak cover as a 'digital download'. For money, no doubt. What with this sort of thing and the whole existance of ITV Play, we're giving it a year before ITV start putting up eBay listings for "BUY AN 60GB VIDEO IPOD FOR £10!!!!!1 APPLE IRIVER MP3".
ITV - 3 points

ITV not bothering to show any highlights of the other match taking place simultaneously, at half-time of the last group matches. Because who'd want to see the three goals and the sending off from the first half of Serbia-Montenegro vs Ivory Coast match, when they could be hearing in-depth analysis of Wayne Rooney's frame of mind when he threw his boots on the ground?
ITV - 4 points

Through watching the Netherlands vs Argentina snorefest at the home of a hard-of-hearing relative, it seems the ITV subtitles include a translation of each national anthem. We like the way Argentina's includes the word 'cheers' so often.
ITV + 2 points

Checking this out at home on the BBC for the Czech-Italy match, the Beeb's subtitlers are restricted to 'ITALIAN NATIONAL ANTHEM'.
BBC - 2 points

The main coverage on BBC One cutting to goals in the other match as they happen, then showing the last few minutes of the Ghana-USA match live, as the Italy-Czech match had finished first. Do you see, ITV? That's what you're meant to do. *Rubs ITV's nose in it's own coverage*
BBC + 3 points

The BBC forgetting to put the sound feed from Italy-Czech Republic back up after flipping to the Ghana-USA match's pre-half time penalty. Oops.
BBC - 1 point

[addendum 22:30]

Having the same build up to the Brazil-Japan and Australia-Croatia matches on both BBCs One and Three. Good, as it'll be worth flicking between both games, so we'd prefer to see the build up to both. DO YOU SEE, ITV?
BBC +2 points

UKG2 picking Australia vs Croatia as their live game. A good move - BBC One are showing the Brazil game, and after all, it's Australia vs Croatia is the one that matters more.
UKG2 +2 points

Of course, no-one will actually be watching UKG2 - the Australia-Croatia game is on BBC Three anyway, and on there it isn't packed with ad breaks and presented by the annoying bloke who stopped us watching Soccer AM All-Sports.
UKG2 -4 points

We've just flipped over to the UKG2 coverage for a second, only to hear the words "If you thought 'Japan' was what you cooked 'ja bacon' in, then..." We didn't stick around for the rest of the sentence. Fucking hell.
UKG2 -6 points

Half-time of the Australia-Croatia match, the analysis has to take place on the balcony, as they couldn't be bothered getting them their own bit of studio, or corporate box inside the stadium. This is the sort of thing we approve of. Plus, the pundits are Lee Dixon and The Chiles. Good-oh.
BBC +2 points

The pitchside microphone clearly picking up Tim Cahill shouting "Ow! Fucking hell!" when elbowed by a defender.
BBC +1 point

BrokenTV deciding to watch the fantastic Australia vs Croatia match instead of Brazil, which may have had a lot of goals, but it was hardly going to keep anyone guessing who was likely to come out on top.
BrokenTV +1 point

The post-Brazil BBC One highlights of Australia's triumph missing out Simunic's third yellow and subsequent red, and Australia's celebrations. Hansen claims it was a great match that had everything. Wasn't he watching the Brazil game? How did he know? Did Adrian Chiles hold a piece of paper to the patio door with it written on?
BBC -1 point

So, Ronaldo redeems himself by equalling the all-time World Cup goalscoring record with a great strike. That's still not enough to stop Gary calling him a big fat git. Oh, Gary.
BBC -2 points

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