The ‘Flaylist’ of course being our collaborative Spotify bad cover version playlist that anyone can add tracks to. Here are today’s new tracks, forwarded by our excellent readers.
Paul Anka – It’s A Sin
Now, there’s nothing wrong with a bit of loungecore when handled correctly. This version of the Tennant/Lowe classic can probably be best described as ‘musically incorrect’. Worst bit: when Anka bursts into an instrumental break by crooning “such a sin!” in an alarming manner.
(The Flaylist also contains Anka’s version of Black Hole Sun, which isn’t quite as bad. But, if you want a much better lounge version of that song, search for the Steve Lawrence & Edie Gorme version on Dirty Edits Vol. 1 - A Collection Of Dirty Classics, It’s much, much better.)
Gregorian Chants – The Power Of Love
Two things that we can be sure is on the playlist of every iPod in the fiery depths of hell: Gregorian Chants, and Celine Dion. And as it’s hell, it’ll be an iPod Mini. If anything, this song wins a bonus point for actually being a Jennifer Rush song that Celine Dion covered. It could so easily have been the version of My Heart Will Go On, which we imagine kickstarts the default playlist of our notional infernal iPod.
The Flaylist also contains the Gregorian Chants version of Love Me Do, by the Beatles. A better song, so we’d give it a whopping 2.5/10.
The Allstars – The Riddle
Originally performed by Nik Kershaw, of course. This version features heavily vocodered vocals, as used on any single from the 1990s where the vocalist couldn’t sing for fupping toffee. cf. Adam Rickitt.
Tiffany – Panic (Hang the DJ)
Speaking of electronically modified vocal tracks, here’s Tiffany performing a techno-tinged cover of the song by overrated Mancunian miserablists The Smiths. Do you know what, while it’s all a bit limp and flavourless, and Tiffers isn’t putting much energy into it, we quite like it. Maybe it’s because we’ve just been listening to the above three tracks in full.
Madonna – American Pie
No, our musical palate is still functioning correctly, as this is fucking painful to listen to. Genuinely, we think this is the worst record ever to get the number one in the UK. Yes, even worse than Mr Blobby. Even worse than No Doubt. Even worse than Wannabe by the Spice Girls (no, don’t pretend it was anything other than shit). Worse than Michael Jackson’s Earth Song. Worse than having a tramps cock in your ear, in fact.
The Hit Crew – That’s Amore
The Hit Crew have literally hundreds of terrible cover albums available on Spotify, with them actually being culled from a huge pool of session musicians willing to lay down lame cover versions of songs to be sold in nickel and dime stores. This album is the very worst of the lot, which is quite an impressive boast. Just look at that cover. The Hit Crew have also recorded entire albums expressly designed for women whose only friends are their cats (yes, really), we can assure you, no irony was employed in the designing of this album cover.
Still, it’s not the worst album cover by The Hit Crew. There was also this:
…but as it’s a spoken word album, it doesn’t count.
As so, as we weep softly while trying to find something a bit less traumatic to listen to, we implore you, yes you, to add more songs of woe to our Spotify bad cover version playlist. DO IT.