If Spitting Image Still Existed*

image (*And still ran with any old sketch no matter how badly written.)

FADE IN:

EXT. A TOPICAL SCENE OF SNOWY, SUB-ZERO BRITAIN – ESTABLISHING

A car wobbles its way up a snowy incline, kids throw snowballs at each other. A news-stand has “WELCOME TO BRRRRRRR-ITAIN! UK BATTERED BY SUB-ARCTIC CONDITIONS” printed on the front. A cheery fat postman slips onto his arse.

INT.  SCIENCE LAB – MORNING

Chromakeyed blizzards whizz by a window in the background, as test tube and beakers bubble with a mysterious green liquid in the foreground.  THE LORD LUCAN PUPPET and ADOLF HITLER PUPPET are busy working near a roaring Bunsen as THE GENERIC ANGRY MAN PUPPET enters, wrapped in a scarf and big hat, covered in prop snow.

               ANGRY MAN PUPPET

(Angrily) Have you seen this!!?

ANGRY MAN PUPPET throws a newspaper to LORD LUCAN PUPPET. He lifts it up to reveal the Daily Express front page headline “SNOW CHAOS – AND THEY STILL CLAIM IT’S GLOBAL WARMING!”

               ANGRY MAN PUPPET

(Panicking) Don’t you see? The jig is up! They’ve realised that we’re making up the entire global warming thing! That it’s all part of our big plan!

               LORD LUCAN PUPPET

Damn their eyes! Quick Hitler, sell all the shares in Soltan Sun Oils ltd, Amalgamated Desk Fans plc and SummaTogs Breachwear gmbh!

               HITLER PUPPET

Jawohl!

(Etc.)

 

image (cartoon: Joel Pett)

2 comments:

John the Monkey said...

Did you catch the R4 piece on Spitting Image in Russia?

"At the height of its success in the 1980s, Spitting Image commanded audiences from around the world. The Russians decided that they would like to have their own version of the show and came to London to learn the magical art of making political puppets. Now Roger Law heads to Moscow to track them down and find out what happened to their risky satirical venture."

Still available (but only for 19 more hours) if you didn't.

Mark X said...

Nice recommendation - it's on UK Nova, so I'll nab it for future listening.