New TV Scandals Unearthed *BrokenTV Exclusive!!*

  • 6/18/2008 11:35:00 pm
  • By Mark Gibbings-Jones

"Exclusive" mainly in the sense that these haven't actually happened yet, but when either/both does/do... hoo, boy. Who'll be sitting at the top of the Google page rankings and being invited onto News 24? We've got a shirt ironed and ready, just in case.

It's always worth keeping an eye on Paddy Power's 'novelty bets' section, as it's always good for a bit of a chuckle (such as offering 1000/1 on the next pope being Fr Dougal MacGuire). At the moment, two events have taken our fancy, the first of which being "Which Will Be The Next TV Comeback?" The odds are as follows:

The Generation Game 4 - 1
Play Your Cards Right 5 - 1
Blankety Blank 8 - 1
Wheel of Fortune 8 - 1
Catchphrase 8 - 1
The Price Is Right 10 - 1
Blind Date 10 - 1
Big Break 12 - 1
Telly Addicts 12 - 1
Strike It Lucky 12 - 1
Take Your Pick 16 - 1
The Crystal Maze 18 - 1
Noel's House Party 18 - 1
Fifteen to One 20 - 1
The Krypton Factor 25 - 1
Going for Gold 33 - 1
Pets Win Prizes 50 - 1

With Euro 2008 currently happening, if they were going to bring back Going For Gold they'd have done it by now (so we could at least get some sort of national victory from bettering Europeans at something, even if it's just answering questions in a language that we invented), so that's out. As is The Crystal Maze, with tabloid reports of a revival being deftly rubbished over at Bother's Bar, who know their onions (and more pertinently, quizzes). Blankety Blank can't be coming back again, surely, and the same applies to The Price Is Right. We always found Play Your Cards Right really boring, so we'd hope that's not coming back. Neither snooker nor Bigotry's Jim Davidson are as popular as they were, so Big Break is unlikely, and Noel's House Party is about as likely to return to the schedules as Curry And Chips.

With all that in mind, the smart money would be on The Generation Game. The BBC can't keep flinging variants of ...Maria at the Saturday night schedule board, and it'd be the perfect vehicle for Graham Norton. Although we're a bit worried a desperate ITV might resort to a risque late-night Moyles-fronted version of Catch Phrase once the last person at Gray’s Inn Road forgets the lessons they'd learned with Win, Lose or Draw... Late.

Meanwhile, and even more excitingly, they're also taking a tip from an episode of Drop The Dead Donkey, and offering odds on which will be the first cliche uttered verbatim by Davina McCall on Friday's Big Brother eviction show. "I'm coming to get you" is sitting at a comfortable 6/1, while "Ofcom Complaints" is a risky 33/1. Sadly, there's no price listed for "titting hell, will you lot just shut the fuck up for a cocking moment?". Whatever happens, if any of our readers have access to the autocues at Endemol Towers (we did see 'Channel Four Television' cropping up in our IP logs once, so fingers crossed) and don't mind submitting a sly comment, we'd welcome to chance to fill our boots before the Suspicious Betting Pattern Police get antsy.

(Note to selves: Don't worry about proposing large-scale betting fraud on a publicly available website. It'll probably all work out just fine.)

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